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Tuesday, December 17, 2013

Don't Hate the Player Hate the ... Fuck That Learn How To Play

Playing

Do you think you're not part of the game? I'm talking about the game of power, manipulation, knowledge, and seduction that perpetuates all facets of life.

When you go to a used car dealer, do they care about you when they try to set the price they want? Do you think they actually want you to "get the best deal you can" and "will work with you"? When you negotiate a business deal, do you think that the person on the other side of the deal isn't looking out for himself and his company? When you go to a bar, do you think the girl flirting and twirling her hair is not playing the game and doesn't realize what she's doing? Do you think the person in charge of your pension or insurance is not looking out for his own job, maximizing his stated returns for shareholders while minimizing the actual payouts?

He is; she is; they all are.

You are part of the game of power whether you want to be or not. You can wish things weren't so, and wish that people were truly altruistic, but instead of whining about it, learn how to play. Learn how to win.

The Self Gene by Richard Dawkins outlines the biological, evolutionary imperative to active selfishly. It's in our DNA.

Opting Out

Maybe you think that trying to achieve power for your own advantage means you'll have to break your morals about kindness. Maybe you want to protest the fact that a game is going on at all, and want to opt out. You would never hurt somebody for your own advantage, and in protest of that, you want no part of it. You'll be a "good" person, and what may come will come. You'd never do something for your own advantage. This is your silent protest.

Well to those people, I will let Robert Greene say it better than I ever could:

"...unless you are a fool, you learn quickly to be prudent...there is no use in trying to opt out of the game. That will only render you powerless, and powerlessness will make you miserable...If the game of power is inescapable, better to be an artist than a denier or a bungler."
-- Robert Greene, The 48 Laws of Power, Pages xvii-xix

The simple fact is that playing is not voluntary. By pretending you're not playing, you're simply letting others take advantage of you. You are consciously choosing to lose.

You will sit comfortably on your high moral horse while others lead your horse wherever they please.

What's ironic is that by protesting the idea of a game of power in order to claim moral superiority and righteousness, you are actually doing it to further your own emotions and are therefore actually acting selfishly.

"In truth, the use of honesty is indeed a power strategy, intended to convince people of one's noble, good-hearted, selfless character. It is a form of persuasion, even a subtle form of coercion."
-- Robert Greene, The 48 Laws of Power, Page xviii

Let's Play

Several times in the past, I've made reference to Buddhism, the religion to which I'd say I most closely relate. Buddhism preaches the concept of enlightened self interest. Buddhists recognize that every person wants to maximize their own happiness and minimize their own pain. When you help others, own the fact that it's really to make yourself happier. Recognize your own emotions and motivations for all your actions. See the world as it is.

In addition, Buddhism teaches that each person is responsible for his own emotions. You alone are responsible for your emotional interpretation of the world. By that logic, emotionally hurting somebody is not something you should feel guilty about. They alone are responsible for their emotions. If you break up with somebody because you are not interested in dating her, do not feel guilty about it. Own up to the fallout and consequences of that action, but guilt and shame should not be a primary consideration when you "next" somebody.

Let's say you're playing Mario Cart 64 with your friends. When you play, each person is trying to win. Your objective is to win. You'll crash other players into a nearby tree. At the end of the game, you don't feel guilty for acting competitively.

"Power is a game - this cannot be repeated too often - and in games you do not judge your opponents by their intentions but by the effect of their actions."
-- Robert Greene, The 48 Laws of Power, Page xxi

When you walk into a used car dealership and try to minimize the price you pay, do you feel guilty that you are also minimizing the dealer's commission? No, you do not. You play the game with all the tools and knowledge at your disposal. When you print out the kelly blue book value of the car you want, you are playing the game.

It's no different with picking up girls. When you put on certain clothes that make you look debonair or wear cologne that smells great, you are trying to manipulate the situation into increasing her odds of fucking you. "Just Be Yourself" is a platitude told to men to try to keep them from improving themselves and playing the game.

When you go into a business negotiation, you try to maximize what you get out of it. Even if you give them perks or don't act too aggressively on purpose, you are doing that so you can increase the odds of future business deals, and therefore are still maximizing your overall, cumulative return.

Morality

If you embrace this philosophy of having your primary goal to win the game and gain power, taken to a logical extreme would mean that murdering somebody in order to take his money would be acceptable, since it furthers your own power.

I believe that murder is immoral. But then how do I reconcile that incongruity?

Well let's explore this idea a bit further. Additionally, we need to explore the concept of morality from a logical, not emotional, standpoint. If somebody is going to attack me or hurt a loved one, I'd feel comfortable killing that person in self defense. I do not believe that is immoral. But physically hurting another for my own gain is, to me, immoral. However, as I outlined above, I believe emotionally hurting somebody to a lesser degree is amoral (neither moral nor immoral) since they are responsible for their interpretation of the world. Yet there are more extreme examples of physical and emotional pain (such as physical or mental torture which does not result in helping anybody else) I would consider immoral.

The dissonance occurs because if my primary goal is to play the game of power and maximize my own return, "immoral" actions can help further that goal.

To reconcile this, I propose the concept of empathy. Just as selfishness and the pursuit of power is embedded within our DNA because it holds an evolutionary advantage, I believe that empathy also holds an evolutionary advantage (at least in humans and other social animals) and therefore is another drive embedded within our DNA.

I have the capability to feel empathy with others. When I hurt them to further my own power, I can empathize with how that action will affect them. Power pushes me forward and empathy holds me back. Both are equally embedded in my biology.

Therefore, I would state that my order or priorities in life are:
  1. Power and empathy
  2. Short term gratification (drugs, alcohol, sex)
  3. Acting out on emotions
I placed power and empathy on the same line, because depending on the situation, one will win over the other. For example, when I negotiate for the best financial deal in a car dealership, I can empathize with the dealer getting a lower commission. However, in that situation my desire for selfishness wins. Yet breaking into somebody's home and stealing their valuables, while it would increase my personal gain, I would empathize too much with the action and would not perform that action.

Perhaps you could say that I could justify any action because it's evolutionarily advantageous (such as rape), and I don't have an answer to that right now, except to hope that one's inborn empathy overrides the desire to perform the most heinous crimes.

Notice how I put short-term gratification and acting out on emotions as the next two drives. I personally would restrain my emotions if it yielded long term or short term gratification. For example, playing the game of seduction and calibrating my own emotional responses to get sex.

That's also why I do not understand others when they act out and break things in a house or yell at somebody because they are angry with somebody, for example. It makes you look weak and out of control, and to me does not further any of my goals. If yelling at somebody would increase my reputation, power, or punish their specific action, then I would do it. But I am doing it consciously and with a purpose. Not to simply "release steam." That's the sign of somebody who is emotionally driven and weak.

Concluding Remarks

Perhaps it's a sociopathic view of the world, but I still believe it's either moral or amoral; definitely not immoral. I consider myself both ambitious, yet also empathetic. I will learn all I can about power and selfishness, and then make a conscious choice whether to use that information in a given situation, if I feel it's not immoral (notice how I didn't say moral; only not immoral).

"Power is essentially amoral...It is a game. your opponent sits opposite you."
-- Robert Greene, The 48 Laws of Power, Page xxi

If this makes you uneasy, and you wish for it not to be true, well the red pill is bitter with a sweet aftertaste; the blue pill is sweet with a decidedly bitter aftertaste. Please, I implore you, opt out.

(Reddit Discussion Link)

Monday, December 2, 2013

Awake from a Slumber

Recently I've noticed a lot of my male friends seem to be "waking up". Within the past few months, more and more of them are getting fed up with relationships.

Last week, a truly alpha, good-looking, doesn't-take-shit-from-anyone, dominating-attention, woman-flocking guy I am friends with was talking to me about how he doesn't look at women the same anymore, and how difficult it is to trust them.

Just tonight, one of my best friends and his girlfriend broke up and he said he is considering just not having a long term relationship ever. To him it's a loss of freedom and a set of unrealistic expectations from the women.

 Even my more beta friends are starting to get fed up with their relationships, and are considering being single "for at least a few years".

My friends, there is a subtle yet potent shift in men's thinking patterns starting - we are at the precipice of a revolution. For the first time, men are actually considering foregoing society's expectations of marriage, and no amount of tax benefits will shake this feeling.

What do these men I have been hearing from have in common? Well, two important trends I've noticed in the guys who share my red-pill sentiments about relationships: (1) they had no problem sleeping with many good looking girls in college, and (2) they have been slighted or treated poorly in LTR's.

So what lessons can we learn from these trends? To me, it seems that women have rewarded men's promiscuous behavior and punished our committed behavior. Women are essentially training men to be more promiscuous and less committed through their treatment of these men's actions, without even realizing it!

So where did all the good men go? Well, ladies, the good men are all reacting rationally to the age-old time-tested reward-punishment system. The good men are still here, yet simply acting in our own interests and reacting to your actions.

Men, keep your eyes open and ear to the grindstone and you'll notice it too.

Saturday, November 23, 2013

Complacency

It's been a while since my last post, and in that time I've hooked up with a few girls, but have been mostly focusing on my career and personal growth. I am writing this post to point out some trends I've noticed in my friends.

That trend is complacency.

Fitness

Since waking up to how the world works, I notice things differently, especially in regards to self improvement. Let me begin with fitness. I have been diligently tracking calories, and keeping a lot of my strength training, since I started in 2011. I now have several years of daily logs documenting what I've eaten, and what I've lifted. It's no effort anymore; it's just habit.

Throughout this time period, several of my friends have noticed the transition under which my body has gone. They have asked what I've done to achieve these results. I tell them it's very simple. I use a simple app (MyFitnessPal specifically) and a simple strength training program (Stronglifts 5x5). There's nothing more complicated than that. Consistency (dedication) is all that it takes.

So at different times over these past few years, some of my friends have tried these two programs for their own self improvement. The results are as I expected. They felt great, and saw results for the first 6 weeks. They noticed changes in their body, and their mood and self confidence improved. Then every single one stopped after around the 6 week mark.

They reverted to their old, complacent habits. They made excuses how it wasn't worth tracking calories, or they avoided conversations regarding fitness, or they said they'd rather just do what they wanted in the gym. It was all about being happier, right? And if moseying around made them happier, why not?

Today another one bit the dust. He tried working out with me for a few months, but today said that it wasn't worth it for him. He still wants to go to the gym as frequently, but he just doesn't want to try to improve his strength by lifting more. That simply screams that his apathy was worth more to him than actual self improvement. He wants to still go to the gym so he can rationalize to himself that he's making an effort and sleep comfortably at night, but doesn't actually want to put the work in.

Career

Fitness is an easy one, though, and I've noticed this trait with other aspects of life. Another such example is career. Several of my coworkers have complained about the current work environment in which we operate. I do join them in voicing my complaints, because I agree with them.

But I have quit and decided to go out on my own because it wasn't worth it to me. Some of them have talked (and talked and talked...) about quitting, or looking for another job. They were even ready to pull the trigger with another job lined up. But at the end of the day, they decided it wasn't worth the risk. They preferred to stay complacent in their current job.

Note that none of these people to whom I am referring have dependents, so throw that excuse out the window.

But what they do have is comfort in their current position.

Talk is cheap. It's easy to talk about doing something, but at the end of the day, it's actually rare to overcome your complacency.

Jealousy

A side effect of this, however, is how people are now treating me when they realize I am talking less and less, and actually doing all the things I state. It's subtle jealousy. They will talk about how improved I am from the gym, but try to shame me into saying how much time I must spend to achieve that look.

The ones who have joined me in the gym in the past avert their eyes. The ones who have decided to stay in their comfortable jobs try to tell me what I should do with my life. And it's not altruistic advice, which which I would have no problem. It's more trying to convince me to take a safer route.

Because by me taking a risky other job and leaving a toxic environment to strike out on my own, they would have to really do some introspection and think about their own choices. And that's too difficult. It's easier to protect their egos by doling out unsolicited advice.

Relationships

The worst is in regards to relationships. My male friends in submissive relationships keep rationalizing their reasons for not ending the relationships. The real reason, despite whatever they may say, is because they are comfortable, and it's easier to complain than to take any action. Making a bold move such as breaking up with somebody and having to be single for a while is scary, even though it may be healthiest in the long run (even for people who build and define their lives with LTR's).

But when the conversations turn to me, and they see me happy, it bothers them inside. Again, it's easier to tell me why I am (should be?) unhappy, and how "there are plenty of fish in the sea" than to think about their own choices. I am certainly not unhappy, have made no claims as such, and have never claimed I am looking to catch a fish anyway. I actually think part of them is jealous of my freedom and happiness, but it's easier to fit me into their worldview than to consider alternatives.

The overall trend is complacency in their own lives. The fear of leaving their comfort zone and taking control of their own lives. Such is the allure of the comfortable blanket which is the life society has carved for them. To each his own.

Monday, October 7, 2013

Reframing Frame

I like the idea of maintaining your frame, which is something I've read about a good deal in other red pill blogs. Now comes the part of putting it into practice.

The problem is that if your "frame" is disingenuous, then eventually an inconsistency will appear, and women will pick up on that and label it as either "awkward", "fake", or "trying too hard". Somehow they are able to detect subtle cues when your desired frame doesn't fit in with your true personality or mindset. Maybe it's your body posture or tone which is incongruent with the content of your words. Or maybe it's a word or two which don't exactly fit in with the image you're trying to project.

On the same thread, simply changing your mindset internally can be enough to overcome a "wrong" sentence. If you have a certain mindset, you may not even realize it but you'll feel instinctually how to act, how to carry yourself, and the tone to use.

Now that doesn't sound very logical. I am a very rational person, and logically we can go into breaking down the exact set of body languages and associated things to say. But being rational also means that I should recognize when a method (i.e. emotions or mindset) can be a more efficient way to achieve a given goal, even though logically going through specifics might also achieve the same result.

So I want to present a mindset I've found helps me maintain a good frame.

If you have a younger sister, this will be easy and you should imagine talking to her. But for those without a younger sister, I know we all have that one female friend who we are not trying to sleep with at all. With that girl, you have absolutely no fear of rejection because you have zero interest in her. Maybe she is unattractive, or maybe you've slept with her in the past and have no interest anymore.  Or maybe she's just an old friend you're comfortable with and aren't interested in. You know who she is.

With this girl in mind, you have zero expectations. You don't take her shit (because you have nothing to lose with her), and can be playful, teasing, etc. with her. The traditional roadblocks in your mind, trying to say the exact right thing, simply don't concern you with this girl. You don't care. Not in a callous way, but in a way that means you can be completely comfortable in a fun way without trying to sleep with her.

Now whenever you feel yourself losing frame, imagine this girl. Seriously visualize this girl and pretend she is in front of you. How would you react to this girl if she was saying something? How would you respond to her texts? How would you react if she flaked on you?

You can carry this frame with other girls.

Once you do this, you'll realize that you are treating girls whom you do want to sleep with, differently. That indicates that you are either scared you'll do the wrong thing, or trying to say the perfect thing.

Example: Today I was on a business trip, and got a girl's number. As we began to talk, I started to doubt myself and started to think consciously about frame. But then I imagined a particular girl who is a FWB who I could not care less if we never hooked up again. I imagined her in my mind, and pretended this new girl was my FWB. I treated her as such. Not in any sort of degrading way, but with the mindset of "let's meet up if you want because it'll be fun; if not, i don't care".

I am going to meet up with her right now.

So TLDR: Visualize a girl (younger sister, unattractive friend, FWB you don't care about losing as such) and use said female to maintain your frame whenever you start to doubt how to act.

Thursday, October 3, 2013

Frustration

When I first started listening to, and reading about, red pill ideas and realizing there was some truth to it, my first reaction was frustration. In fact, every time I see another red pill example out in the real world, I admit I feel that old twinge of frustration.

But then I think about it. And I realize that frustration is pointless. It does not yield better decisions for me, it does not make me happier, and does not change the facts of nature.

The red pill is about seeing the world as it is, not how you want it to be. That frustration was borne out of cognitive dissonance: my experiences were not matching up to my expectations of reality. That is from where much anger, frustration, confusion, and depression, ultimately stem.

What is the point of frustration though? Once you see the cause of the frustration, you can choose to see the world as it is (which includes not only your experiences but others' as well). Then, you can simply use these "frustrating examples" as simply additional information for every decision you make.

The cute girl sleeps with the dumb jock? Well, instead of getting frustrated, you can figure out why that occurred. It is his fitness, his demeanor, his social status, his competition from girls, or his looks that the girl desires? Figure it out, and use it to your advantage. You don't have to emulate him exactly, but you can understand and emulate aspects of him which girls find attractive.

Somebody new joins the social group and all the girls are extremely interested in him? Instead of getting frustrated that he has "AMOGed" you (which is immature thinking on your part), learn and figure out what it is about him that's so interesting to these girls, or what took control o the social situation. Once you let go of your frustration, you'll realize that you might learn a thing or two from him.

I feel this is all too common - many new red pillers initially find the red pill because of bitterness or frustration towards the world not meeting their expectations. And you can tell in the way they talk that they are full of anger and pain, and sometimes in the extreme cases actual misogyny (read: not the b.s. misogyny feminist attribute to all red pill people and ideas) stemming from their pain.

Then you talk to the more experienced red pillers, and they no longer have an ounce of frustration. Their cognitive dissonance is gone and they see the world as it is, and are usually much happier for it. These experienced red pillers have no ill will towards women and their actions. You'll hear the more experienced ones talk about not hating girls for acting as they do, simply accepting it and using that information to further your own goals. You'll hear them say that it's simply part of women's biology and instincts to act as they do. There's no reason to get frustrated or hate them for it. In fact, you can love and respect them, as long as you recognize their fundamental motivations.

Once you realize this, you only have yourself to blame if you are not using all the information to your advantage, and only yourself to blame if you are frustrated. You are the only one responsible for your own emotions.

Sunday, September 15, 2013

AMOG

One of my buddies is a famous pro sports player, and every time we go out I definitely learn a little something about what "Alpha" really means.

Social Proof

The most obvious experience is in social proof. Simply being part of his crew is enough to elate me above any social proof I could muster myself. You immediately have extreme value in both girls' and guys' eyes. Doors open for you simply for being there. I am well aware that's a lucky and rare situation to be in, and has nothing to do with me, myself.

But I write this to demonstrate the sheer power of social proof. 

I've experienced this to less degrees in other situations, such as knowing one of the bartenders in a popular bar. Making friends, and having people know that you are respected by others, completely changes how people react to you, and treat you.

Peacocking

People in the community go back and forth about the value of peacocking. At the very least, I do like to dress nicely when I go out for a night, and take enough care to notice how I look. In some situations such as an outdoor festival, having a prize from a game booth around your neck might be enough to start conversations. Or at some clubs catching and wearing a crazy hat the DJ throws from the stage will get girls to talk to you.

They might try to wear the item themselves, which could be an opening for you to toy with them.

To me, peacocking can be effectively used to intrigue a girl (Where did he get that "prop"? How can I get one? He is bold enough to wear that!). But it's only use is to start a conversation, instead of cold-starting. Once the conversation starts it has no value. You can tease a girl easier with a prop, but after more than 30 seconds you'd better have more to say and something else to offer besides the prop itself.

Oh, and after you start the conversation, as Chris Rock says, "Take off that silly hat!"

However, going out with my friend is a very different experience. He does not peacock. He doesn't go out of his way to wear certain things. He does not need to act erratically in order to prove he's the AMOG. It's simply the truth. He doesn't need to be the loudest person in the group, or show off in any way.

However, his sheer size and fame is a peacocking technique in and of itself. Essentially he can't help but peacock himself, whether or not he wants to. He is noticed, and the way he dresses would make no difference either way. Since his body itself is a way to peacock, he simply wears whatever he wants, from sweats to nice clothes, just based on how he is feeling.

Which brings me to my next point.

Apologizing

This is the most potent and important trait I've noticed, yet also the most subtle.

I stated that he dresses how he wants and acts as he wants, but his unapologetic personality goes even further. He does not apologize to anybody frivolously. He is not an asshole in any way, but one thing I've picked up on is his very sparing use of the word "sorry".

Which means that when he says it, you know he means it. He is a MGTOW to some degree, because he goes where he wants, does what he wants, and feels absolutely no need to explain himself to anybody. Peer pressure will not work on him. His boundaries are clear. If he is in training and does not want to eat something, he won't. If he wants a certain drink, or a certain service, he's very clear about what he wants.

But apologies are saved for when he means it. Many people apologize extraneously so that others will like them, or not be offended. However, when you truly don't care if others like you or not, you tend to not feel that need to apologize in your everyday conversations.

We have gone out to restaurants, and the food has come out wrong. When the waiter asks how the food is, a beta would say, "Sorry I think you may have given me french fries instead of mashed potatoes. I suppose it's fine. Sorry I might not have been loud enough. Oh, it's no big deal, I'll eat it." But when the waiter asks my friend if something is correct, he simply says something to the effect of, "No, I wanted mashed potatoes." It's very matter-of-fact. It's not insulting to the waiter as he says it, but very clear that something was not making him happy. Without fumbling about himself, debating whether it's still acceptable, or apologizing for not speaking loudly enough.

And this has nothing to do with fame. This has to do with the fact that his personality is alpha. Anybody can act this way without being a jerk, and in my experience, most people should be clearer about their boundaries.

Thoughts

As I wrap up this post, the obvious critique is that this does not pertain to a majority of the people. Yet that would be incorrect. Besides the obvious social proof coming from fame, these are personality traits that anybody can develop. Even social proof can be developed as I described above, by befriending bartenders, baristas, bouncers, etc.

When we go out and some beta realizes who my friend is, the beta tries to kiss his ass, and it's painfully obvious. People will try to butt in on conversations, or stand near us and laugh along with something we've said, just to feel included.

But when we meet other pro athletes for the first time, or even somebody who is not an athlete but clearly an alpha, the dynamic is one of silent mutual respect. They don't try to out-AMOG each other at all, yet don't fawn over each other trying to kiss ass.

These are personality traits I've learned from some of the most alpha personalities.

Sunday, September 8, 2013

What Would My Father Think

My Father

I cannot ask him that question. He died not too long ago, still at a relatively early age. At his core, my father was a stand-up man. He went out of his way to help others and he made it clear he would sacrifice himself for his children. There were times growing up that he worked two jobs to support a middle class lifestyle for his children. That's who he was as a father.

But what about the relationship dynamics of his marriage?


Unplugged?

While me and my siblings were younger (up until maybe middle school?) things were great; the stereotypical family. But for him, things started to degrade.

He had a health scare a few years later (in his mid 40's), and since then the idea of dying made him wake up a bit. He started realizing that my mom "wore the pants" in their relationship. He didn't want to say no to her, and ended up making poor financial choices (significant choices such as buying a house they couldn't afford) because it's what she wanted, and giving in to whatever she wanted to do. He felt like his opinion was not valued, that she did not care about what he wanted, and yet before he woke up, he never said no to her.

At some point, he told me that you have to draw a line in the sand and stop trying to negotiate. You have to stand up for yourself once you realize the other person is not going to change.

I've read the statistics that a majority of divorces (70% maybe?) are initiated by women - but he was in the 30%. He told her that his own happiness was at stake. That he wasn't feeling fulfilled and that his opinions and happiness weren't valued. And unless she was willing to drastically change, that they should get divorced.

They eventually got divorced, and I truly believe it was for the best. He was somewhat hurt financially, since he ended up taking on a disproprotaion amount of their combined debt on top of having to pay alimony and also child support despite the fact that none of us were young anymore.

But for him it was worth it rather than staying married and having her spend money on things he didn't want.

My Thoughts

There was obviously a rough transition period after the divorce, but his attitude, outlook on life, and overall happiness drastically improved over the subsequent years. He moved where he wanted, spent money on things he desired, and spent his time as he wanted. Unfortunately he died only a few short years later, but I think that his last years were better lived than the previous few years.

This waking up period in his life very much mirrored the father in American Beauty.

At the time of the divorce, I could not fathom it, and told my parents not to get divorced because it would shatter my blue-pill view of marriage and love.

But now that I think back, I think my father would have felt quite close to the men's rights beliefs. He felt betrayed and frustrated by the dynamics of his marriage. He would never have wanted to be single and not raise a family, but in his words he did not appreciate being treated as a second class citizen in his marriage. I think he would have found much in common with many of The Red Pill ideals.

Two Sides

I want to conclude by laying claim to the fact that there are two sides to every story. I have no ill will towards my mom. He and her eventually reconciled and became somewhat of friends (as much as could be, given the circumstances). She has her own views and opinions of their marriage, some of which she has shared with me. So at the end of the day, while I do not agree with her views nor how she acted as a wife, I fully support how she acted as a mother and how she raised me.


How I Got Here

Beta

Similarly, I believe, to many other red-pillers, I started my journey as a blue-piller, or "beta" as some sites call it.

Plugged in and doing exactly what society expected of me. Frustration that the typical things my mom taught me about treating woman were not yielding my desired results turned inwards. I had a few long term relationships, and I was admittedly submissive in all of them. Between two relationships, I stumbled upon PUA writings on the internet, and started employing some of the techniques, with some mild success. But it felt fake and didn't really resonate with me. Yet I did internalize a few things, specifically the tenets of "Game" founded in the growth as a man, and how to develop your inner strength.

I hated technical "tricks" though and quickly lost interest. I promptly got into a new relationship (she initiated) and quickly reverted back to my old, comfortable, beta ways.

Not the Only Way to Think?

So how did I realize that there was another way to live? Honestly, it was when I began practicing meditation. Mindful meditation is, in its purest form, about seeing the world the way it is, without any rose or otherwise colored glasses. It's about breaking your mind free from how you interpret the world, and realizing when your thinking patterns are not you, and not static. Meditation started me on my journey of freeing my mind, and it's a practice I never want to give up.

As I continued growing in my meditation practice, I started questioning things I had never questioned previously. I started wondering if a white-picket fence with two kids was what I wanted. And let me be clear - it very well may be what I want and eventually do. But the difference is I realized I was originally just going down path because society expected it of me. If I do end up down that path again one day, it will be by choice.

And that's a subtle, yet important, difference to me. It's an extraordinarily liberating feeling to recognize that you are going down a path because it's expected of you, which forces you to decide whether you want to go down that path. I thank meditation for that, because it forced me to examine my own thinking patterns and motivations.

After that, however, there was a switch in my mind. I started seeking out and reading internet websites, blogs, subreddits, etc., which forced me to examine and look at the world differently than I ever had before. These include r/theredpill, returnofkings.com, therationalmale.com, and way too many other sites to list. I do not agree with all of the posts on all of those sites, nor how commercialized some of the posts have become because I'm a free thinking man who can make his own opinions, but the underlying ideals resonate deeply with me.

Viewing the World

Since then I've started viewing social interactions differently. I notice when somebody walks into a room, if they are strong, weak, a leader, a follower, insecure and needing to assert themselves, or calmly confident.

Last night I was at a bar and talking to a friend of a friend (female). She was newly married, and her husband was standing right next to her. He had nothing to say, and she was completely enthralled in what I was saying. I wasn't actually trying to sleep with her, but I noticed that after her and I stopped talking (I left to go dance with another girl), her and her husband got into a fight.

On its surface, the fight wasn't about her talking to me. He was mad she wasn't paying attention to him and helping teach him how to dance, and she was mad that he got mad or something like that. She is captain of a sports team and quite clearly the alpha in the relationship. But underneath the surface of the fight, he was mad she had been paying attention to me and not him, although that was never said. They actually left at that point (quite early in the night) due to the fight. I noticed this whole interaction and saw things (within seconds) from a different perspective than I ever would have considered in the past.

So here I am. Constantly trying to challenge my assumptions and thoughts. My eyes are beginning to open and the world is stranger than I had ever imagined.

Deep Thrill

Deep Thrill. An anagram for "The Red Pill".

This blog is going to be about me exploring myself, and my masculinity. It is not going to be about me learning pick up artist techniques in order to boost my fragile self esteem and compensate for my inadequacies, a truth too many blogs these days masquerade behind.

This blog is to connect with like minded individuals, to hone my own thinking, and also keep me honest with my own progress as a man. I fully expect to look back every few months on my old posts and say to myself "I can't believe I thought/acted like that," because that means I've learned and grown.

But more than anything, this blog is for myself. It's going to be about me developing my own strengths. The Red Pill in its purest, bitterest form, is about self actualization and freeing your mind