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Sunday, September 15, 2013

AMOG

One of my buddies is a famous pro sports player, and every time we go out I definitely learn a little something about what "Alpha" really means.

Social Proof

The most obvious experience is in social proof. Simply being part of his crew is enough to elate me above any social proof I could muster myself. You immediately have extreme value in both girls' and guys' eyes. Doors open for you simply for being there. I am well aware that's a lucky and rare situation to be in, and has nothing to do with me, myself.

But I write this to demonstrate the sheer power of social proof. 

I've experienced this to less degrees in other situations, such as knowing one of the bartenders in a popular bar. Making friends, and having people know that you are respected by others, completely changes how people react to you, and treat you.

Peacocking

People in the community go back and forth about the value of peacocking. At the very least, I do like to dress nicely when I go out for a night, and take enough care to notice how I look. In some situations such as an outdoor festival, having a prize from a game booth around your neck might be enough to start conversations. Or at some clubs catching and wearing a crazy hat the DJ throws from the stage will get girls to talk to you.

They might try to wear the item themselves, which could be an opening for you to toy with them.

To me, peacocking can be effectively used to intrigue a girl (Where did he get that "prop"? How can I get one? He is bold enough to wear that!). But it's only use is to start a conversation, instead of cold-starting. Once the conversation starts it has no value. You can tease a girl easier with a prop, but after more than 30 seconds you'd better have more to say and something else to offer besides the prop itself.

Oh, and after you start the conversation, as Chris Rock says, "Take off that silly hat!"

However, going out with my friend is a very different experience. He does not peacock. He doesn't go out of his way to wear certain things. He does not need to act erratically in order to prove he's the AMOG. It's simply the truth. He doesn't need to be the loudest person in the group, or show off in any way.

However, his sheer size and fame is a peacocking technique in and of itself. Essentially he can't help but peacock himself, whether or not he wants to. He is noticed, and the way he dresses would make no difference either way. Since his body itself is a way to peacock, he simply wears whatever he wants, from sweats to nice clothes, just based on how he is feeling.

Which brings me to my next point.

Apologizing

This is the most potent and important trait I've noticed, yet also the most subtle.

I stated that he dresses how he wants and acts as he wants, but his unapologetic personality goes even further. He does not apologize to anybody frivolously. He is not an asshole in any way, but one thing I've picked up on is his very sparing use of the word "sorry".

Which means that when he says it, you know he means it. He is a MGTOW to some degree, because he goes where he wants, does what he wants, and feels absolutely no need to explain himself to anybody. Peer pressure will not work on him. His boundaries are clear. If he is in training and does not want to eat something, he won't. If he wants a certain drink, or a certain service, he's very clear about what he wants.

But apologies are saved for when he means it. Many people apologize extraneously so that others will like them, or not be offended. However, when you truly don't care if others like you or not, you tend to not feel that need to apologize in your everyday conversations.

We have gone out to restaurants, and the food has come out wrong. When the waiter asks how the food is, a beta would say, "Sorry I think you may have given me french fries instead of mashed potatoes. I suppose it's fine. Sorry I might not have been loud enough. Oh, it's no big deal, I'll eat it." But when the waiter asks my friend if something is correct, he simply says something to the effect of, "No, I wanted mashed potatoes." It's very matter-of-fact. It's not insulting to the waiter as he says it, but very clear that something was not making him happy. Without fumbling about himself, debating whether it's still acceptable, or apologizing for not speaking loudly enough.

And this has nothing to do with fame. This has to do with the fact that his personality is alpha. Anybody can act this way without being a jerk, and in my experience, most people should be clearer about their boundaries.

Thoughts

As I wrap up this post, the obvious critique is that this does not pertain to a majority of the people. Yet that would be incorrect. Besides the obvious social proof coming from fame, these are personality traits that anybody can develop. Even social proof can be developed as I described above, by befriending bartenders, baristas, bouncers, etc.

When we go out and some beta realizes who my friend is, the beta tries to kiss his ass, and it's painfully obvious. People will try to butt in on conversations, or stand near us and laugh along with something we've said, just to feel included.

But when we meet other pro athletes for the first time, or even somebody who is not an athlete but clearly an alpha, the dynamic is one of silent mutual respect. They don't try to out-AMOG each other at all, yet don't fawn over each other trying to kiss ass.

These are personality traits I've learned from some of the most alpha personalities.

Sunday, September 8, 2013

What Would My Father Think

My Father

I cannot ask him that question. He died not too long ago, still at a relatively early age. At his core, my father was a stand-up man. He went out of his way to help others and he made it clear he would sacrifice himself for his children. There were times growing up that he worked two jobs to support a middle class lifestyle for his children. That's who he was as a father.

But what about the relationship dynamics of his marriage?


Unplugged?

While me and my siblings were younger (up until maybe middle school?) things were great; the stereotypical family. But for him, things started to degrade.

He had a health scare a few years later (in his mid 40's), and since then the idea of dying made him wake up a bit. He started realizing that my mom "wore the pants" in their relationship. He didn't want to say no to her, and ended up making poor financial choices (significant choices such as buying a house they couldn't afford) because it's what she wanted, and giving in to whatever she wanted to do. He felt like his opinion was not valued, that she did not care about what he wanted, and yet before he woke up, he never said no to her.

At some point, he told me that you have to draw a line in the sand and stop trying to negotiate. You have to stand up for yourself once you realize the other person is not going to change.

I've read the statistics that a majority of divorces (70% maybe?) are initiated by women - but he was in the 30%. He told her that his own happiness was at stake. That he wasn't feeling fulfilled and that his opinions and happiness weren't valued. And unless she was willing to drastically change, that they should get divorced.

They eventually got divorced, and I truly believe it was for the best. He was somewhat hurt financially, since he ended up taking on a disproprotaion amount of their combined debt on top of having to pay alimony and also child support despite the fact that none of us were young anymore.

But for him it was worth it rather than staying married and having her spend money on things he didn't want.

My Thoughts

There was obviously a rough transition period after the divorce, but his attitude, outlook on life, and overall happiness drastically improved over the subsequent years. He moved where he wanted, spent money on things he desired, and spent his time as he wanted. Unfortunately he died only a few short years later, but I think that his last years were better lived than the previous few years.

This waking up period in his life very much mirrored the father in American Beauty.

At the time of the divorce, I could not fathom it, and told my parents not to get divorced because it would shatter my blue-pill view of marriage and love.

But now that I think back, I think my father would have felt quite close to the men's rights beliefs. He felt betrayed and frustrated by the dynamics of his marriage. He would never have wanted to be single and not raise a family, but in his words he did not appreciate being treated as a second class citizen in his marriage. I think he would have found much in common with many of The Red Pill ideals.

Two Sides

I want to conclude by laying claim to the fact that there are two sides to every story. I have no ill will towards my mom. He and her eventually reconciled and became somewhat of friends (as much as could be, given the circumstances). She has her own views and opinions of their marriage, some of which she has shared with me. So at the end of the day, while I do not agree with her views nor how she acted as a wife, I fully support how she acted as a mother and how she raised me.


How I Got Here

Beta

Similarly, I believe, to many other red-pillers, I started my journey as a blue-piller, or "beta" as some sites call it.

Plugged in and doing exactly what society expected of me. Frustration that the typical things my mom taught me about treating woman were not yielding my desired results turned inwards. I had a few long term relationships, and I was admittedly submissive in all of them. Between two relationships, I stumbled upon PUA writings on the internet, and started employing some of the techniques, with some mild success. But it felt fake and didn't really resonate with me. Yet I did internalize a few things, specifically the tenets of "Game" founded in the growth as a man, and how to develop your inner strength.

I hated technical "tricks" though and quickly lost interest. I promptly got into a new relationship (she initiated) and quickly reverted back to my old, comfortable, beta ways.

Not the Only Way to Think?

So how did I realize that there was another way to live? Honestly, it was when I began practicing meditation. Mindful meditation is, in its purest form, about seeing the world the way it is, without any rose or otherwise colored glasses. It's about breaking your mind free from how you interpret the world, and realizing when your thinking patterns are not you, and not static. Meditation started me on my journey of freeing my mind, and it's a practice I never want to give up.

As I continued growing in my meditation practice, I started questioning things I had never questioned previously. I started wondering if a white-picket fence with two kids was what I wanted. And let me be clear - it very well may be what I want and eventually do. But the difference is I realized I was originally just going down path because society expected it of me. If I do end up down that path again one day, it will be by choice.

And that's a subtle, yet important, difference to me. It's an extraordinarily liberating feeling to recognize that you are going down a path because it's expected of you, which forces you to decide whether you want to go down that path. I thank meditation for that, because it forced me to examine my own thinking patterns and motivations.

After that, however, there was a switch in my mind. I started seeking out and reading internet websites, blogs, subreddits, etc., which forced me to examine and look at the world differently than I ever had before. These include r/theredpill, returnofkings.com, therationalmale.com, and way too many other sites to list. I do not agree with all of the posts on all of those sites, nor how commercialized some of the posts have become because I'm a free thinking man who can make his own opinions, but the underlying ideals resonate deeply with me.

Viewing the World

Since then I've started viewing social interactions differently. I notice when somebody walks into a room, if they are strong, weak, a leader, a follower, insecure and needing to assert themselves, or calmly confident.

Last night I was at a bar and talking to a friend of a friend (female). She was newly married, and her husband was standing right next to her. He had nothing to say, and she was completely enthralled in what I was saying. I wasn't actually trying to sleep with her, but I noticed that after her and I stopped talking (I left to go dance with another girl), her and her husband got into a fight.

On its surface, the fight wasn't about her talking to me. He was mad she wasn't paying attention to him and helping teach him how to dance, and she was mad that he got mad or something like that. She is captain of a sports team and quite clearly the alpha in the relationship. But underneath the surface of the fight, he was mad she had been paying attention to me and not him, although that was never said. They actually left at that point (quite early in the night) due to the fight. I noticed this whole interaction and saw things (within seconds) from a different perspective than I ever would have considered in the past.

So here I am. Constantly trying to challenge my assumptions and thoughts. My eyes are beginning to open and the world is stranger than I had ever imagined.

Deep Thrill

Deep Thrill. An anagram for "The Red Pill".

This blog is going to be about me exploring myself, and my masculinity. It is not going to be about me learning pick up artist techniques in order to boost my fragile self esteem and compensate for my inadequacies, a truth too many blogs these days masquerade behind.

This blog is to connect with like minded individuals, to hone my own thinking, and also keep me honest with my own progress as a man. I fully expect to look back every few months on my old posts and say to myself "I can't believe I thought/acted like that," because that means I've learned and grown.

But more than anything, this blog is for myself. It's going to be about me developing my own strengths. The Red Pill in its purest, bitterest form, is about self actualization and freeing your mind