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Sunday, September 8, 2013

How I Got Here

Beta

Similarly, I believe, to many other red-pillers, I started my journey as a blue-piller, or "beta" as some sites call it.

Plugged in and doing exactly what society expected of me. Frustration that the typical things my mom taught me about treating woman were not yielding my desired results turned inwards. I had a few long term relationships, and I was admittedly submissive in all of them. Between two relationships, I stumbled upon PUA writings on the internet, and started employing some of the techniques, with some mild success. But it felt fake and didn't really resonate with me. Yet I did internalize a few things, specifically the tenets of "Game" founded in the growth as a man, and how to develop your inner strength.

I hated technical "tricks" though and quickly lost interest. I promptly got into a new relationship (she initiated) and quickly reverted back to my old, comfortable, beta ways.

Not the Only Way to Think?

So how did I realize that there was another way to live? Honestly, it was when I began practicing meditation. Mindful meditation is, in its purest form, about seeing the world the way it is, without any rose or otherwise colored glasses. It's about breaking your mind free from how you interpret the world, and realizing when your thinking patterns are not you, and not static. Meditation started me on my journey of freeing my mind, and it's a practice I never want to give up.

As I continued growing in my meditation practice, I started questioning things I had never questioned previously. I started wondering if a white-picket fence with two kids was what I wanted. And let me be clear - it very well may be what I want and eventually do. But the difference is I realized I was originally just going down path because society expected it of me. If I do end up down that path again one day, it will be by choice.

And that's a subtle, yet important, difference to me. It's an extraordinarily liberating feeling to recognize that you are going down a path because it's expected of you, which forces you to decide whether you want to go down that path. I thank meditation for that, because it forced me to examine my own thinking patterns and motivations.

After that, however, there was a switch in my mind. I started seeking out and reading internet websites, blogs, subreddits, etc., which forced me to examine and look at the world differently than I ever had before. These include r/theredpill, returnofkings.com, therationalmale.com, and way too many other sites to list. I do not agree with all of the posts on all of those sites, nor how commercialized some of the posts have become because I'm a free thinking man who can make his own opinions, but the underlying ideals resonate deeply with me.

Viewing the World

Since then I've started viewing social interactions differently. I notice when somebody walks into a room, if they are strong, weak, a leader, a follower, insecure and needing to assert themselves, or calmly confident.

Last night I was at a bar and talking to a friend of a friend (female). She was newly married, and her husband was standing right next to her. He had nothing to say, and she was completely enthralled in what I was saying. I wasn't actually trying to sleep with her, but I noticed that after her and I stopped talking (I left to go dance with another girl), her and her husband got into a fight.

On its surface, the fight wasn't about her talking to me. He was mad she wasn't paying attention to him and helping teach him how to dance, and she was mad that he got mad or something like that. She is captain of a sports team and quite clearly the alpha in the relationship. But underneath the surface of the fight, he was mad she had been paying attention to me and not him, although that was never said. They actually left at that point (quite early in the night) due to the fight. I noticed this whole interaction and saw things (within seconds) from a different perspective than I ever would have considered in the past.

So here I am. Constantly trying to challenge my assumptions and thoughts. My eyes are beginning to open and the world is stranger than I had ever imagined.

1 comment:

  1. It is very interesting to see another person like you, from a whole other place have exactly the same thoughts like myself. I myself began using meditation, and I have also in the last couple of years been questioning the path that society wants yoou to go - so interesting read for me, thanks.

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