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Sunday, November 30, 2014

No Nothing November - Day 30

Link to all my posts for #NoNothingNovember.

This is it. The final wrapup of #NoNothingNovember.

Sleeping:

Regarding my sleeping habits, forcing myself to wake up earlier was hugely useful for my productivity. After about two weeks, I started to naturally wake up earlier. I felt energized and got a lot done in the morning, and realized that my energy levels naturally start to wane around 14:30. It also had the positive effect of forcing myself not to waste time at night and not drink too much alcohol at night, since I knew such activities would hinder waking up the next day.

Smoking:

Regarding smoking weed, it's not something I consider a vice. It's something I can consider a vice, if I do it for recreational purposes. But if I smoke with a predetermined purpose (self-awareness, creativity for a business project, etc.), then it can be a tool, the way caffeine can be a tool. It does take some awareness and humbleness to recognize if I am smoking for recreation or for a purpose.

Meditation:

Meditation had the most positive effects on my life, and I feel like I am just scratching the surface. I feel more aware of my physical body and my mental state. Awareness itself is sometimes sufficient to change something, and it allowed me to choose whether to stay in such a mental state (or physical tension) or not. I'll describe what I've explored below.

Concentration Awareness:

I used concentration meditation for this. This involves focusing on an external object for as long as possible, such as a spot of paint on the wall. Concentrate. Your mind will start randomly "getting bored" and giving you thoughts. Every time a thought pops up, you refocus on the wall. At the start this will last maybe 10-30 seconds. Eventually with practice you'll get to a point where you can do this for many minutes. This will make you aware of your concentration, and also has been described by some as a "muscle" that you don't even realize you have until you have achieved the result.

Physiological Awareness:

I used body scan meditation for this. What I do is lie down flag and keep my eyes open. I focus on each piece of my body (foot, then calf, then thigh, etc.). You can tense the body part up, and untense it, to become aware of the tension feelings. You will eventually get to a point where you start becoming aware of more hormonal changes. You'll notice where the hunger feels, where the stress feels, where the joy feels, etc. Try to "chase down" the physiological feelings mentally.

Then, when you start to feel angry in the "real world" for example, you'll be aware of the physiological feelings. When you start to feel happy, you will be able to focus on it and increase it.
So once you are more aware of physiological hormonal feelings, this merges a bit with your mental emotional state. Which brings me to:

Mental Awareness:

I used mindfulness meditation for this. This involves sitting and letting any thought come into your brain. You don't fight it. You then "take a step back", and just acknowledge it as "interesting thought" and move on to the next one. This is sort of like amused mastery at your own mind. Eventually once you start dismissing more thoughts (similar to Concentration Awareness), deeper more emotional thoughts will start coming to the surface.

When combined with concentration awareness, you'll be able to focus your mental energy on the thoughts you want, for your emotions.

Emotional Awareness:

For this, you'll want to do a similar technique to the body scan meditation, where you tense the muscles and release. So you think of a memory in which you felt a strong emotion in the past. You try to feel the rage, or joy, or excitement, and then turn it off. You keep practicing this, and you'll be more aware and have more control over your emotions. The ultimate frame control.

Summary:

#NoNothingNovember was great for me to recognize certain vices which were holding me back, and increase my own discipline. Any excuse for self-improvement is something I fully embrace. I am much more particular about my daily actions. I now look at each action (even if it's just relaxing and watching a movie) as either self-improvement or not. I am much more deliberate about my actions, and have been using my time much more efficiently. For each moment, I make sure to ask myself what action would benefit me, and then do it.

Monday, November 17, 2014

No Nothing November - Day 17

Link to all my posts for #NoNothingNovember.

I have been traveling for business so I haven't had time to blog enough these past two weeks, but fear not, dedicated readers; I have not abandoned my #NoNothingNovember practices.

Sleeping

Waking up early every day has been hugely useful. I have been extraordinarily productive in the morning and by the time I'm into the late morning, the momentum from being awake for so long carries me along. By the mid-afternoon (around 14:30) I admittedly get more tired than usual, likely due to my body being conditioned to begin feeling tired after being awake for 8 hours and winding down the day. It's at this time I'll take a break from working to do some concentration meditation, walk outside to change my environment, or exercise. I am trying to reduce my dependency on caffeine but on difficult days I'll have a second cup of coffee. 

This has also forced me to go to sleep earlier each night, and in doing so I have come to realize that I have spent too many hours in the evening hours being unproductive. How productive am I really being from 21:00 to midnight? That yields several hours of wasted time in my day.

Again, I'll reiterate from Day 4 that alcohol really hinders my waking up early. As such, I have been drinking less, whether going out or at home. This has caused my fitness to improve, and any malaise feelings the next day from being hungover to be lessened. In addition, going out to bars and clubs while not being as drunk as everyone around me has had the interesting effect of having me observe more interactions and being more in control than those around me. It increases my mental acuity in these situations and has allowed for actually more fun and "productive" nights (in terms of hooking up and also learning and observing others' interactions). It also allows me to feel more in control of situations than the drunk people around me, and be more in control of my emotions and actions.

Cannabis

Okay, so I don't consider weed a vice anymore. I consider too much weed, or regular weed, a vice if it becomes an addiction. To me, smoking causes me to be more creative and less productive. So by not smoking, I have been much more productive. However, the level of creativity in my work has taken a slight hit. In addition, my self-awareness insights and breakthroughs through marijuana has also slightly decreased, although it is somewhat offset by meditation.

So while I feel empowered to know that I can easily put down cannabis if I choose (feeling more in control), I do want to use it as a tool in my arsenal, for both increased self-awareness and creativity. Limited amounts of weed, using it as a conscious tool, is what I will be pursuing once this month is over.

Meditation

Meditation is an ongoing process for which it takes more than a month to get the full effects. However, I have already noticed several benefits.

Concentration meditation has benefited me by increasing my focus in my current task. It also has the benefit of clearing my mind in moments of feeling overwhelmed with my work. Even a few short spurts of 5-minute concentration meditation (in which I clear my mind by focusing on an external object and refocusing whenever a thought enters my mind) is like a nice little boost of concentration or relaxation throughout the day. Longer periods of concentration meditation (15+ minutes) has allowed me to recognize some thoughts which were buried in my subconscious as they float to the surface.

Body scan and mindful meditation has benefited me by (obviously) giving me more awareness of my body. But while the direct effects would seem obvious, the indirect effects are interesting.


  • I have been able to focus on physical feelings of either anxiety, malaise, or tension. This awareness allows me to remove such feelings the more I explore them.
  • In addition, it has had the interest effect of viewing my body somewhat impersonally. I see my body in terms of a larger timeline as simply a tool used to achieve my goals. Sculpting it to become attractive, garner respect, and be strong enough for either defense or offense. Viewing my hands as tools to make more money. This detachment is an interesting feeling I am just beginning to explore.

Conclusions

Overall, #NoNothingNovember has had some interesting, positive effects on me. In addition, it has increased my confidence stemming from increased experience of my ability to give things up through sheer dedication. My journey towards self-actualization via self-awareness marches onward.

Tuesday, November 4, 2014

No Nothing November - Day 4


The oversleeping bit is becoming easier and easier every day. However, I've noticed that anytime I have more than 5 drinks the night before, waking up early is exceedingly difficult the next day. Yet I am still more productive throughout the day, and can use the morning more effectively, than when I was oversleeping.

With regards to cannabis, I am still not convinced that it does not benefit me. My creativity is slightly less than when I smoked a few times a week, although my drive is slightly more. It's a balance I will have to find as time goes on.

With regards to meditation, that has been going excellently. I begin my session with 15 minutes of concentration meditation which helps exercise my mental muscles of awareness, and calm any lingering thoughts from the day. I then begin a body scan, starting from my foot to my head, noticing and removing any tension as I proceed methodically. I then am in a relaxed state in which I can begin to notice how certain thoughts popping into my head elicit certain physiological states in my body. This allows me to choose which thoughts to follow and which thoughts to dismiss. I am noticing more subtle motivations, such as when I do not realize how much I am posturing or have unnecessarily used Powertalk throughout my day without realizing it (part of The Gervaise Principal, which I frequently try to apply to my business dealings).

Overall, I believe that without the motivation of #NoNothingNovember, I may have skipped some of these days meditating, and would have overslept and smoked more. I can see the thought process unfold throughout my head as it occurs, and I thoroughly enjoy the simple excuse of "It's November" to make myself more motivated.

Sunday, November 2, 2014

No Nothing November - Day 2


This is the second day of No Nothing November. The oversleeping bit is something I think with enough motivation I can easily overcome. The effects of not oversleeping, however, will likely be more pronounced on the weekdays. The fact that it's a Sunday means that not oversleeping didn't really affect my day much in terms of productivity. However, I have to admit waking up to a blowjob followed by sex while having some coffee is a nice easy way to jump start the day.

In regards to no cannabis use, I'm unsure how I feel about that being an actual vice. Skipping a day of cannabis is not a big deal for me since I don't smoke too often anyway. However, cannabis has allowed me to come to some self-realizations that simply would have taken too long to arrive at otherwise. After November, I may consider cannabis use as a semi-regular accelerator for self-improvement, as long as I don't end up becoming addicted and smoking daily.

The meditation has been interesting for the past two days. Yesterday, during my body scan meditation, I realized how much physical stress I feel throughout my body. I strongly believe that the first step to defeating something is to truly understand it. I need to 100% define the boundaries and extent of something such as physical stress before attempting to remove it. Simply saying "relax" completely dismisses the importance of understanding the how.

Today, during meditating, I tried to focus on each part of my body and become aware of any physical tension felt. It was actually difficult because due to waking up on time (and staying out late partying last night since it was Halloween weekend) meant I kept almost falling asleep. However, I remembered my concentration training, and focused on an external object in my room in order to stay awake and aware.

My plan is roughly to:
  1. Become aware of the physical stress throughout my body (body scan meditation).
  2. Work on systematically removing that stress from each part of my body (body scan + concentration).
  3. Become aware of the mental stress in my mind (mindfulness meditation).
  4. Work on systematically removing that stress (mindfulness + concentration).
I'm not sure how 3 and 4 will work, but what's interesting is that sometimes simply being aware of some automatic thought, motivation, or physical stress, is sufficient to have it begin removing.

Onwards we march towards self-actualization.

Saturday, November 1, 2014

No Nothing November - Day 1

Link to all posts.

There was recently a thread on /r/theredpill about using November as an excuse to kick some of your vices. This is standard practice for many people in terms of lent, or for specific months to be "aware" of certain diseases.

But hey, why not jump in? Any excuse to make improvements to myself is as good as any others.

I decided to give up three things in November:

  • Oversleeping
  • Cannabis use
  • Skipping meditation days.

Oversleeping


Oversleeping is definitely a big vice of mine and I am fortunate enough for the luxury of it given my career. However, it holds me back, doesn't develop any discipline, and fucks up my sleeping schedule.

The comfort of one's bed is appealing against the harshness of the world, and having the ability and to luxury to be able to oversleep means I have little incentive to change that behavior.

But it's short term versus long term benefits. Yes, sleeping in the moment feels nice, but I get less work done, I am less likely to go to sleep on time the next night, and I may feel groggy if I lay in bed for a while.

In addition, I welcome challenging things to overcome. Once I've kicked a vice, I now have another "confidence token" to put in my bag, further supporting my self-esteem since I am not more confident that I can overcome challenges.

Cannibis Use

I don't really use weed recreationally to go out too much. But it is something I use to increase my self-awareness and explore my psyche, especially in times of strife. It also helps my creativity.

But it's a crutch. It's a temporary tool I refuse to be dependent on for self-improvement. Just because it works in the short term (and perhaps especially because it works), means that I may become dependent on it to improve myself or clear my mental state.

Another challenge to overcome to increase my confidence.

Which brings me to...

Meditation

Meditation. It results in the permanent lasting changes in my mind. As I stated in my September 2013 post "How I Got Here", meditation was the first step to opening my mind to other possible ways to experience the world. In a not-so-roundabout-way led me to the manosphere.

But I am not as disciplined with as I want. I've noticed a correlation between my time and frequency meditating, and significant long term positive effects in my life, the mechanism of which may not necessarily be obvious.

For example, meditating on the anger of not having a white picket fence dream yet allowed me to realize that there were other ways to live, and other ways to be happy! It allowed me to be aware of the social conditioning upon which my happiness depended. And at the root of it all, that's the goal of meditation: awareness.

So no more skipping days. I will do concentration meditation throughout the day and mindful or body scanning meditation at night.

It's time for the next leg in my journey of self improvement to begin. I'd say wish me luck, but I don't believe in luck.

Saturday, October 11, 2014

The Sixth Stage

Introduction

This actually became a bit of a series on grief (all posts here) without me realizing it.

It starts with Johnnythe boy who had all the wrong expectations of reality and lived his life perpetually disappointed.

Johnny was in the denial and depression stage of grief. (Side note: remember, these stages don't occur in order. They simply all occur.)

It then discusses the concept of being Antifragilein a red pill context, in which you use all the shit life throws at you with regards to women, to become stronger.

The Antifragile man was in the anger stage.

It moves on to End Game, in which a man tries to see how a blue pill outcome could possibly yield a happy life.

The man contemplating the blue pill End Game (even though he chose to reject it) was in the bargaining stage.

We then move on to Chinks in Armor, in which the man understands the reason life throws tests at him.

The man understanding the purpose of shit tests was in the acceptance stage.

This post is where it all comes back around and the man asks "what else"? He has moved beyond the acceptance stage, and entered into what I describe as the sixth stage: creativity, in which he takes back control of his life.

Background

When we have to deal with a a tragedy, a death of either someone or something (e.g. our worldview), we go through a grieving process.

This includes: 1. Denial, 2. Anger, 3. Bargaining, 4. Depression, 5. Acceptance.

This was cleverly applied to The Red Pill, which is really just a death of our expectations of women, so it flowed logically.

This post is about a sixth stage of grieving which I call creativity.

A lot of frustration regarding our lives, a lot of our anger, bitterness, depression, pains, jealousy, etc., stems from our expectations of the world. Allow us to demonstrate given an example of a man and a woman below.


When we were growing up through our childhood and adolescent years, we started to get expectations from Disney movies, media, etc., about what we were supposed to get as we go through life.

A few possible examples in regards to the red pill:

Men

  • We were supposed to find a nice sweet girl and have the happy family life. But when we got to college, we saw some older guys sleeping with girls and having crazy fun doing it, and our expectations of our lives changed. We wanted to be those guys. We saw a subconscious vision of our lives in which we are the player for 5 years, bedding many women, and then finding a hot trophy wife, like James Bond who eventually becomes either becomes the strong male figure in a family, or lives a life of luxury. Whenever things don't fit into this vision, we get angry.
  • When a girlfriend cheats on us, we get so extremely angry and jealous that our expectations were out of line with reality. "This wasn't supposed to happen!" we say deep inside. "This wasn't part of the plan!"
  • When we want to pick up women and are failing, we say to ourselves "This was supposed to work!" When men found pickup online, they got excited had a subconscious vision and expectation that learning pickup was going to make them gods with women. When that was shattered, they became angry again.
  • A girlfriend who you thought was the "perfect unicorn" from all your understanding of the red pill and female biology, cheats on you. This is completely incongruent with your expectations that you'd be the man you always wanted to be after lifting and working on your career. In this vision, you imagined that you'd find a sweet girl with no daddy issues, who was sheltered from feminism. She cheated and shattered that vision. "This wasn't part of the plan! I filtered so much! I learned so much! I vetted you with all the correct questions. I maintained frame."

Women

  • They were supposed to find a nice husband in college, maybe her first true love, and settle down. But when she is cheated on, or hurt by a guy, her entire vision of a fairytale is shattered. She doesn't know how to deal with that vision, and has nothing else to replace it, so she starts just giving in to all her natural instincts, and sleeps around.
  • In the previous scenario, she has a new vision that sleeping around was going to make her feel fulfilled again, and then she could pick herself up and find a decent guy. Then that vision was shattered. She didn't feel fulfilled and felt emptier inside. This turns into a spiral resulting in bitter spinsterhood.
  • Sex (which was supposed to represent love and commitment) starts to feel fun and exciting. Her vision when she was growing up didn't include these biological urges and instincts. Her initial vision of a nice boyfriend didn't assume that she'd enjoy sex as much and have a desire to sleep with other men. "This wasn't supposed to happen!" she says. She becomes empty. This causes depression, anger, and a general feeling of being "lost" or "floating" to use the words of modern American girls.


Acceptance

How do we solve this problem? How do we overcome our jealousy, our anger, our depression. It's truly about acceptance. Not that people "are" a certain way, but rather acceptance that our expectations for our lives are not in line with reality.

How do you avoid bitter acceptance though? How do you not simply become angry that your expectations don't line up?

Because the five stages of grief only end with you accepting the world as it is. Pretty bleak, eh? Fine, things suck. Or things are not as you expected. Or women act differently than you thought. So be it.

Creativity

The sixth step in grief after acceptance is creativity.

You now have to come up with alternative visions for your next 10 years, which are congruent with your vision of the previous 25 years (just an example, not my actual age), and which also are a happy fulfilling vision.

So allow us to try an experiment. Reread the fourth vision of men above, regarding being frustrated that after reading about the red pill, your "perfect unicorn" cheated on you.

Now instead of simply carrying around an anger deep within you and reacting to every future event out of anger and jealousy, you need a new vision. Let's try some examples on for size, and see which one resonates best with you.


  • In one alternative reality, she cheated on you, and it made you stronger, tougher, a better alpha. You then live a James Bond esque life for the next 10 years, and lived happily ever after sailing away on your yacht. Maybe this girl came back in some sort of revenge fantasy. Maybe not.
  • In another alternative reality, you end up trying on the idea of an open relationship for size. You still keep her in your life, still connect with her, and both sleep around. You eventually end up in a happy open marriage where you both get plenty of sex.
  • In another alternative reality, you chalk her up as a loss, continue your search for other girls who you think would fit the bill, and end up getting married with a strong prenup and live happily every after, with your submissive wife.


Conclusion

The point of all this is that things can work out. Things don't necessarily have to, and there are certainly curveballs life can throw at your shattering each vision. But if you put in the work, you can achieve other visions.

Given what visions you consider feasible, and the amount to which you desire each vision (and the odds of it occuring), you can make different choices going forward.

For example, most of the better alternative visions in the example above contain the concept of getting fitter and stronger. So you know you're going to lift right now. That decision is easy. Other visions cause you to reevaluate how you treat sex. Other visions cause you to stick things out with this girl, bonding, and make a different type of sexual relationship work.

The point is not which of these visions are "best" or "correct". We can debate the merits and disadvantages of each vision ad infinitum. The point is you must recognize that there are alternative ways your life could end up happy which are in line with reality. And pick a vision, and strive towards that. Constantly reevaluate your possible visions every few months, and tweak your behavior appropriately.

See the world for how it truly is.  Meditate. Reflect back upon your life. Read the red pill. Read philosphy. Read about the BDSM community.

This mentality is freeing. This is truly the red pill: seeing the world as it is. But it's more. It's about seeing things as they are, but taking the next step and making your life and world as you like, as best as you can.

All that's within your control is to make daily decisions striving towards your visions, and constantly tweak the visions and your decisions.

No matter how angry or jealous or depressed or bitter you feel now, you can let it all go and come up with creative ways you can achieve all your goals. Or find new goals.

Find your mission, gentlemen.

~~~
Reddit Post

Thursday, October 9, 2014

Chinks in Armor

In a woman's mind, nothing is sexier than a man on a mission. A man who knows what he wants in life and takes it. Such a man who also has a desire to nurture a protect a woman is the perfect catch for a long term relationship.

They would love to be a part of such a man's vision.

Woman have all sorts of different pattern recognition systems going throughout their brain at any given time. They have seen men who are physically strong, and they correlate external strength with a drive and inner strength. They see men who are drive certain cars, or wear certain clothes, and their vision of a man with inner strength is correlated with these visions. That's why women tend to be attracted to such outwardly displays of inner strength, simple correlation.

So they shit test you. They need to know if you are truly resilient, or if it's all just an act. If you actually have inner strength or are faking. When they break up with you, or become overly emotional, how you act in such a moment defines whether or not they see you as a real man who can handle them.

They want to poke at your armor, to see if there are any chinks.

Forget about how they rationalize their emotions, what they think about their self esteem, why they say they do things. (Man up and realize that you do it too.) These are all post-facto rationalizations of their instincts manifesting. In every situation that you deal with in a relationship, try to figure out what instinct underlies their actions and words. Cut away all the bullshit and figure out what's really going on, in terms of evolution.

From your perspective as a man, every time life throws some shit at you, how you handle it helps redefine your boundaries and decisions. It helps reveal the sculpture underneath these external façades. Then, when a similar situation comes up again, you know how you'll handle it. It becomes part of your comfort zone. Every time we leave our comfort zone, and encounter a new random shit test life throws at us, we expand the circle of what is within our comfort zone. We are more confident how we'll deal with future occurrences. We are conquering more of the randomness of the universe as we grow. We are learning which actions yield better results as we grow and can take a longer timeline perspective of our lives.

As I discussed in my post about antifragility, embrace these tests. Whether from women or just life in general. They are useful. They are chisels used to create the sculpture of your life. They are there to peel away the layers and show you the real man underneath.

~~~~~
Post on reddit.
All posts from my Grief miniseries here.

Wednesday, October 8, 2014

End Game

Let us use this time to reflect upon the extreme alpha or beta models, and really worldviews.

How do each of these personalities view the end game of life? What would each type of man think on his deathbed.

This is an extremely important question each man must answer, because knowing how you want to end up, will dictate every little action in your life.

And not knowing how you want to act in a given situation, with no strong personal philosophy, will result in an extreme amount of anxiety.

The Blue Pill End Game


This is the narrative of a blue pill life. Somewhere in his or her mid 20's, a man and a woman fall in love. They go through a series of ups and downs. One may make a mistake, but all is forgiven because they love each other. Love trumps all. When a girl accidentally kissed her ex one night, she just needed some guidance. Fights, loving times, beautiful times, ending with a marriage, where everything ends up perfectly. On their death beds, the man and the woman end up holding hands, reflecting upon all of the good times. They feel good that they touched and helped so many people in so many ways. And that their love was stronger than all, lasting through decades of life. They would depart this world peacefully, ready for whatever was next.

That's the ideal turnout of a 100% blue pill mentality.

The Red Pill End Game


This is the narrative of a red pill life. A boy grows into a man. That man, through the many trials life thows at him, develops into a charismatic, powerful, man the envy of all. He becomes wealthy on his own, and lives life to an extreme, buying fancy cars, At some point in his life, he wanted a girlfriend so he was able to pull a really good looking, cool, sweet southern chick. They had a relationship for a while, but when she made a mistake and cheated on him, the man was sad for a moment, but then thought practically, and said sorry but I could never trust you again. He'd be upset for a moment, kind of a "too bad, that could have really worked. oh well", but he'd bounce back from his friends, and go out and find a new girls, and it wasn't that hard. He eventually built an empire with his entrepreneurial skills, and was an important game changer in the history of humanity. On his deathbed, the man looks back upon his life fondly. He conquered great things in this world. He experienced some love, some fun, heartbreak, power, influence, and he could die happy, knowing that he left humanity in a better state than when he left it.

That's the ideal turnout of a 100% red pill mentality.


Now these are extreme examples, but they could be your life if you so choose. But I implore you to meditate upon through which lens you want to view your life. This way, whenever life throws you some shit, or you have a decision in front of you, you don't hesitate. You know who you are. You know how you'd want to look back upon this moment, from your deathbed.

This is a mental task that I think every man should meditate upon. If you want to live your life in blue pill mode, and you want to die happy, knowing that you always held out faith in love, then more power to you, just know the alternatives.

Go figure yourself out, gentlemen.

~~~~~~
Reddit Post
All posts from my Grief miniseries here.

Tuesday, October 7, 2014

The Antifragile Red Pill

As I go through the book Antifragile by Nicholas Taleb, I see a tremendous amount of overlap with the red pill.

Antifragility is the concept that disorder and stressors can make some things (fine china) break, but can make some things (muscles) stronger. The idea is whether or not a given entity will improve or degrade when life throws random events at it.

This is inextricably linked with relationships, where you are trying to navigate a dynamic system in which the other party has either agency, or at least unpredictable behavior, depending on your philosophical views.

Every time I've broken up with a girl, it has forced me to confront issues deep within myself, be it jealousy, fear of rejection, dying alone, etc. Each time I've broken up with someone, these issues have been brought to the surface and could not stay hidden. These issues had no choice but to be faced. As such, I have been antifragile when it comes to relationships. They don't bring me down. Rather, they make me stronger.

The real blue pill mentality is that we can predict the future. It's the greatest illusion our minds play upon ourselves. Our minds categorize our memories, assign a certain "order" to the world to protect us from the randomness, and make us believe that we can predict the future.

It's this thinking which frustrates outcome-dependent (i.e. weak) men when the outcomes don't match up to their expectations. It's the classic average frustrated chump subconsciously believing that he can predict and control the future by buying a girl roses.

The red pill, on the other hand, constantly espouses the idea of improving yourself to increase your own sexual market value. Implicitly within this idealogy is the fundamental truth that we don't know what's going to happen in the future. We don't know if we'll meet a girl when we happen to be bulking or cutting. We don't know if the trip to the grocery, when you haven't cut your nails in four weeks and look like a slob, will be the moment you want to interact with the cute cashier.

By making yourself as highly valuable as possible at all times, you are essentially aiming to increase your antifragility. You don't know what life is going to throw at you. You don't know if another man with broader shoulders is going to meet your wife when you're not there. But what you do know, and what is in your control, is whether you are at your peak. You'll know deep down whether you are better able to deal with these random occurrences which would knock a weaker, fragile, man down.

The abundance mentality will shine through when a girl treats you poorly, yet you bounce back harder. You become stronger for it, which usually results in an implicit yet unintentional dread game at work.


Being an antifragile red pill man is all about being outcome independent, and being able to use the randomness of life to improve yourself at every turn. To focus completely on using the world to grow. To not care if it works out with a given girl, but to care if you were the best you could be, self help cliché aside.

To be able to not care if you get dumped. In fact, to embrace small challenges and difficulties in your life, and use them as an excuse to be a stronger man. To be able to turn around and use people making fun of your shoes to learn a little bit about men's shoe brands, which in turn spurs you to buy some Allen Edmonds and then start to delving into the world of male fashion. You became stronger from an experience which would have made a weaker man feel depressed and sorry for himself.

When you find something about your girlfriend's past that shocks and disgusts you, you can use it to face some deep-seated jealousy from your childhood. Or you use it to work out twice as hard at the gym. Years later, when the event is just a blip in your memory, you still have your muscles. You still have your inner peace knowing you've dealt with a primordial emotional issue.

Antifragile is what we should all strive to be. An antifragile red pill man does not fear the random shit tests that life throws at him. He embraces it and uses every "bad" circumstance to learn about himself and improve. By the end of it, his fear of the unknown is gone, replaced by an excitement for how he can further spur on his self development.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Post on reddit.
All posts from my Grief miniseries here.

Saturday, September 20, 2014

Johnny

Johnny was the smallest boy in his class but had big ambitions. He loved comic books and wanted to be Iron Man when he grew up. He would play fight and he dreamed about being a billionaire, with beautiful women by his side. Making the coolest new gadgets and riding in the fanciest cars.

But when Johnny would tell his dreams to his parents and share them at family gatherings, he'd be told to be a little quieter. Or he's be dismissed as having boyish dreams which nobody took seriously.

When Johnny would play fight and dream about saving the world and killing bad guys, he would be told to calm down and sit dutifully in his seat. There was no place for wild crazy dreams in life. Oh, and killing was wrong.

By the time he was 11, his mother decided that a more responsible, conforming, adult name would be "Jon". Forgetting about the passionate men named Johnny like Johnny Depp or Johnny Cash, men who didn't give two fucks about having a "boyish" name.

But no, that sort of attitude just wouldn't do if she wanted to have a smart kind docile young man as a son. The type of guy she wished that men were like. She'd make Johnny into this vision of a prince charming that she knew didn't exist, but would be damned if she didn't do her part to try to mould!

Johnny started talking about his ambitions to his peers when he got to middle school. At this point he believed that he was going to be the next game changing guy in the world (fighting villains would be a bonus). But his teachers all told him to stop his silly fantasies and focus on his incredibly boring essay about the European governments in the 1800s. The plan was that in high school he'd have to revisit the same essay and write about how that same form of government in his middle school essay oppressed women.

When he arrived in high school, he wanted the most beautiful girls in school. Yet these girls were going for the jocks and the guys who treated them like shit and had no ambitions. When he spoke about how he was going to be the next big thing and be rich one day, these girls would say "that's nice" and go back to bending over for the football captain because the football captain had muscles, while Johnny had brains. These girls knew there would be plenty of time later in life to "settle" for the nice guy with brains.

By the time Johnny, or shall we say Jon, got to college, everybody was a couch activist. When Johnny shared his career dreams with his peers then, people no longer dismissed him; they started attacking him. They started telling him that he shouldn't want a lot of money because people were starving elsewhere. That Johnny shouldn't want fast expensive cars because that was being too materialistic and not spiritual. That ambition and greed went hand in hand and made you evil, the worst kind of human.

When Johnny told his peers about his desire to have a beautiful hot nice wife by his side supporting him, he was told that all women are beautiful on the inside and that he shouldn't look for a hot wife. To his shock and dismay (what type of girl would get this upset?) Johnny was screamed at for promoting an "unhealthy body image". That he should look for a career woman because wanting anything else was considered holding women back in the world.

Johnny was confused. He had nothing against these ambitious women, but they seemed hell bent on attacking him. Johnny was confused because he simply wanted a hot wife himself. He wasn't trying to promote any body image, healthy or unhealthy. What Johnny wanted in a wife was simply what Johnny wanted, right? He found hot girls attractive, but Jon started to feel a twinge of guilt because he "shouldn't" be promoting unrealistic expectations of women.

Jon was conflicted because he wanted to do the right thing. He didn't want to be one of those evil misogynistic men he always heard about! Maybe he should lower his standards to someone who was more beautiful on the inside, because that's what the Dove commercials said he should want.

At this point, the girls were all fucking the frat boys who spent their nights drunk in their basements. Johnny would vehemently attempt to tell these girls that these guys were low lifes. These girls would say "that's nice" and go back to bending over for the latest douchebag because the douchebag "didn't give a fuck" about life. The douchebag's attitude was exciting and enthralling, whereas Johnny was focused on changing the world and inventing cool new gadgets like Iron Man. What a nerd!

After college, Johnny was ready to make his mark in the world. But his friends told him that he should spend his precious money travelling and finding himself. Since they had no direction themselves, they told him that he should travel the world with them to be trendy and worldly. Johnny was confused because he wanted to put that money into a new venture. No, he was supposed to go clubbing and travel the world and forget about the cost. Because apparently spending 4 weeks vacationing made you cultured and sophisticated and superior to those who didn't travel.

When Johnny said he wanted to be the next Tony Stark, they said there'd be time for that later, and that he should listen to them and what the current latest trend in society is, which is to live with your parents after college, rack up credit card debt travelling and having fun, and worry about ambitions later. "Life is too short!" they'd cry. "YOLO!" they'd shout while trying to force their own insecurities and lack of direction onto Johnny.

They were always scared and jealous of someone with dreams, and they couldn't have a friend making it big, because that would mean they'd have to take a good hard look at their own life. So they'd subtly shame him any time he spoke of doing something more with his life. They'd tell him that it's okay to live a little now, their way of saying that Johnny should be as directionless as them, lest they have to face their own insecurities. They couldn't have time for that while they were YOLO-ing.

When Johnny told his career dreams to his parents they told him that it's time to get serious and take a stable job.

By the time Johnny was in his late 20's, Jon was being pressured by his current girlfriend to settle down and have kids. A shrill, powerful, ambitious woman who really just wanted a Ken doll to control. A girl who would get angry at Johnny for speaking his mind. A girl who decide what they were doing and when. A girl who decided what was important for Jon to spend his money on, and already had her engagement ring picked out from Tiffany's in her head.

By the time he was in his 30's, Jon had a nice stable job with a 401k to which he dutifully contributed 18.4% of his salary based on the current studies regarding retirement and asset allocation.

Jon laughed at his former self and his dreams of changing the world. Those were childish dreams of a foolish man. But it was an empty laugh. He laughed because he was supposed to. He laughed because adults were supposed to laugh at childish dreams.

The Steve Jobs and Mark Zuckerbergs of this world were just lucky. Just in the right place at the right time. Their passion and fire and unwillingness to conform could not have had any effect on their meteoric rise. The idea of dropping out of the most prestigious college in the world because you truly believed in yourself was foolish. That would be silly. Because to admit that they had true control over their destiny and actually seized what they knew they deserved, meant Jon would have had to admit that he could have had the same things.

At 33, still young but tired all the time, with two kids and a white picket fence, Jon came home early from work one day and saw something which shook him to his core. Jon saw a strange man leave his house which he had negotiated a great mortgage rate on. This man had his hair disheveled but would be considered ruggedly handsome and muscular and reminded Jon of a guy in an old western. This man drove away in his Lamborghini, without realizing that Jon was watching him from across the street.

This man had money, and had invented a brilliant gadget. The type of gadget Johnny had always dreamed of inventing as a boy. This man had women eyeing him up, and when he took them to his masculine yet tasteful bachelor pad, women would see his expensive TV and granite countertops, and would get a little excited because this man also had money. This man had a fire within him which made these women feel things they hadn't felt in a long time.

This man had just ravished Jon's wife, who unbeknownst to Jon was in the process of filing divorce papers behind Jon's back.

Jon didn't hate this man. This man was Johnny. He was everything Jon could have been, if he still had a fire within him. Jon was deeply jealous of the man in the Lamborghini. Jon sighed, walked into his house, and got ready to confront -- no, not confront since that's misogynistic and abusive -- but ready to talk to his wife about going to marriage counselling.

~~~~~~~~~~
Reddit Post
All posts from my Grief miniseries here.

Thursday, July 31, 2014

Fear & The Gervais Principle

A few articles on The Gervaise Principal were going around /r/theredpill a few months back, and how it applied to interpersonal relationships. Specifically powertalk, posturetalk, and straighttalk. It's even on the list of required reading.

I hypothesize that almost all these types of interactions are based on fear.

Powertalk

When powerful men engage in powertalk with one another, and refuse to explicitly state what they want, it's frequently borne out of a fear of litigation. As a thought exercise, imagine for a second that someone knows they have the best lawyers in the world, and will never lose a lawsuit. That person will have no fear of litigation, and won't need to be as subtle in their interactions.

I've noticed that men who are older, who already have "won the game" with regards to money and career, don't need to speak in powertalk as much.

The CEO's I've met, who know that they have a million dollars in income coming to them year after year, are actually pretty nice and straightforward people. Imagine how you would act if you knew that you had a new after-tax paycheck for $50,000 coming in to you every month. Every Friday you're getting a $20,000 gross paycheck.

They don't need to exchange power between one another anymore, because they truly have an abundance of everything in life.

These are actually very nice, kind people who don't engage in as much powertalk anymore. They are bored of trying to play the game and have no need for it anymore.

I've noticed much more powertalk in the famous athletes I've met. These men know that their income, while significant, is only available for a few short years while they are in their physical prime. They have this fear that their money is going to be taken away from them. This is especially true since their fame makes them targets. One buddy of mine, for example, has a past tenant trying to sue him for $170,000 for "damaged" furniture. When your salary and net worth are all over the internet, you naturally get targeted.

The fear is in fact justified, but it causes them to engage in a lot of powertalk.

Truly fearless men with abundance have shed their need for powertalk.

Posturetalk

When a person engages in posturetalk, he is doing so because he is scared of others' impressions. He wants to puff his chest out and look as tough as possible. This is especially easy on the internet when anybody can be whomever they want due to anonymity. That's why posturetalk is so prevalent on the internet. But it's really borne out of fear because he is terrified of another person thinking he's less than extraordinary. 

Straighttalk

There are two situations of straighttalk, one from a leader to a worker, and one from a worker to a leader, and they are actually slightly different.

When a worker uses straighttalk to a leader, he is actually afraid to misspeak. He knows the leader is in the position of power, and wouldn't dare try to use subtlety (powertalk), babytalk, or posturetalk. If the leader sees through the worker's subtleties, then the worker will be crushed. As such, fear causes him to use nothing but straighttalk.

However, when a leader uses straighttalk to a worker, that is the only type of interaction not borne out of fear. The leader needs nothing from the worker, and the worker's reaction has zero effect on the leader. The leader has a true abundance mentality with the worker, and fearlessly can ask the worker whatever he pleases.

Usage

Most people assume that it's better to engage in powertalk with powerful men, to prove that you speak their language.

I disagree.

What's interesting is that other powerful men are not used to being engaged in straighttalk from an equal. If you are straight up with another powerful man, and clearly not a worker or peon, this causes a cognitive dissonance in the leader. Nobody speaks to a famous person or CEO with straighttalk unless that person is above.

By engaging in straighttalk, you are demonstrating a lack of fear, and perhaps even communicating that you believe this usually-powerful person is below you. For example, the President of the United States, or a Russian billionaire oil tycoon, would have no need to engage in powertalk with someone famous. The famous athlete's $50 million is a joke to the billionaire. The billionaire would in fact not engage in powertalk with the famous person, but rather straightttalk. To the billionaire, the famous person is a worker, an entertainer, not an equal.

By engaging in straighttalk with someone who is used to being engaged via powertalk or posturetalk, you actually gain some respect for your fearlessness.

To even have conversations with someone that powerful or famous, it is usually through referrals. You already have some standing because an existing connection of yours usually made the introduction. For example, being part of one famous person's entourage means that you don't need another famous person's connections. If you start engaging in powertalk with them, they know it's because you want something from them and are essentially offering to exchange some power. If you speak in straighttalk with them, they know you need nothing from them, and it makes the famous person wonder if you are actually above them (something they are not used to).

Reversal

There is another side to consider, and that is that it's not really about fear, but rather optimizing your own return. If you know that somebody will only do business with you if you "speak their language" and engage in powertalk, then you are consciously choosing to engage in that type of talk. Such a person is only using powertalk to gain another's respect, not because he needs to use powertalk himself.

Tuesday, May 20, 2014

47 Seconds

This post will cover The Red Pill and the meaning of life (yes, a little melodramatic, I admit).

The Red Pill deals a lot with evolution as a basic premise of our sexual interactions and behaviors. Let's bring evolution to scale.


http://i.imgur.com/SJLZKkx.png


If the time it took to go from apes to humans is 1 year, then your lifetime is only 47 seconds. We are all just here in the blink of an evolutionary eye, and are simply a test to see if our genes are worthy of passing on. 

I feel that we are a genetic test in a giant optimizer. We are simply the result of our genes trying to survive into the future. As such, you may feel a sense of duty to both have children to essentially represent the best your genes can, and acquire a significant amount of resources, security, etc., for your family so that your children’s genes survive.

Some people have an inclination to acting like a jerk, others nice. Over millions of years, one type of behavior may win out over another by having humans with those genes pass on and be protected. Some people will impregnate 5 women and have bastard sons around the world. Another may only have one son, but who was cared for and whose family line is then in a position of power. Time will tell which sets of genes (gold-digging vs. sleeping around) are best suited for the future evolution, and more will end up as such.

That’s why you are inclined to do your best to both pass on your genes (alpha) by learning how to get the best quality woman and have children (/r/thanktrp), and do your best to ensure those genes survive (beta) by gathering as much resources and protection for my genes as possible (learning about Machiavellianism here, etc.).

It's simply the chemicals making up your DNA trying their unique combination in the universe via your body.

However, a parting note. That simply makes you a slave to the mechanism of evolution, with no free will. By rejecting that biological imperative, and consciously choosing to not pass on your genes, does that give you an extraordinary sense of mental freedom?

(Discussion on alreadyred)

Wednesday, March 12, 2014

Girls and Bosses

Since internalizing The Red Pill, I've started to notice similar interaction dynamics in other situations in my life. One of those is in relationships with bosses. The similarities will not necessarily be spot on, and will be different depending on the boss's personality as well as gender. But most of these will hold true to some degree. The game is always being played even outside of sexual relationships, and you'd be a fool to not consider them.

Shame Tactics


Quotes such as "I expected better from you" and the like, are shame tactics designed to put you on the defensive, make you feel the need to work harder or change a behavior, and an interesting management strategy. The goal is to make you feel ashamed of a certain behavior which isn't conducive to the boss, and to cloud your rationality with your own emotions. This is definitely not constructive criticism, but rather a form of manipulation playing on your deep-seated emotions. It is also quite an effective motivation technique.

Some examples of shame tactics include:
  • "I thought you forgot about me"
  • "I expected better from you"
  • "Is this the best you can do?"
  • "Where have you been lately?"
  • "Do you ever do actual work" (said during a lunch break or vacation)

I want to state that each and every one of these has been said to me personally. Don't hamster them as simply inquiring about what you're doing. They may be inquisitive but they also contain a hint of an accusatory tone.

Hypergamy


Okay, yes, that word technically means marrying up socioeconomically. But in a similar vein, your boss will "trade up" with his coworkers if the opportunity presents itself, given that (s)he has not invested enough time in you. He is also keeping his eyes out for someone of higher value.

When girls implement hypergamy, they consider the past time spent with you (even though it's a sunk cost she doesn't want to necessarily give up what she's put into you), the amount of effort required to gain the higher-valued target, and the (emotional or financial) loss of giving you up.

When bosses implement traits similar to hypergamy, they consider the past time spent with you (the time training you and the financial investment in you), the amount of effort required to gain the higher-valued target (the amount of salary required to get the new employee and the time required to train), and the (financial) loss of giving you up.

Both have some loyalty to you, but only insofar as you are producing value for them (conditional loyalty). They don't value you in-and-of-yourself; nor will they stay with you out of altruism or pity. And why should they? I actually have no problem with conditional love or conditional loyalty. It keeps you vigilant and leaves no room for complacency. If you start to be valued for "just being you", then why change, improve, or strive for more? The fact that you know you are always a minute away from being dismissed will be difficult and frustrating, but it will require greatness from yourself.

If you are the boss, your employees will also implement hypergamy. They will also be looking for a "higher value" company or another boss with whom to rise.

Dread Game


This is one that an employee will play on a boss.

If a girl starts treating you poorly, an explicit or implicit threat of you leaving will cause her to reevaluate her actions and feel like she needs you more. If a boss is not treating you well, an offer from another company will instill fear that he will lose you and will cause him to reevaluate his actions towards you.

The more investments you make in yourself, in terms of fitness, style, and charisma, the easier dread game will be with a girl and the more implicit, rather than explicit, it manifests. The more investments you make in yourself in terms of job skills, critical thinking, and charisma, the easier dread game will be with a boss and the more implicit, rather than explicit, it manifests.

Many low self esteem guys don't realize their own value, and will supplicate to whatever their partner dictates. They have a permeating fear which keeps them in check. In the workplace, many low self esteem employees truly don't know their own value either. They don't realize how useful their skills are, they don't truly believe they could get another job. And bosses use this and exploit this.

Now with any dread game, if the target believes that you won't actually follow through, it can backfire. If you threaten to leave and they call you out on your threat, by not leaving you are telling the other party that you don't actually have any other options, and any future attempts at dread game will be ineffective, even if you would have followed through in the future. Don't be "the boy who cried dread".

Oneitis


This relates back to dread game. By becoming irrationally attached to one person, you are clouding your own judgement. If you don't believe there is anything better for you out there, that person has you by the balls. With girls, you are more willing to tolerate bullshit that normally you may let slide. The hotter (or generally the more high-valued) the girl, the easier it is to fall into this trap. (Aside: Oneitis is different from loyalty and dedication in a LTR).

With a boss, if you put that person on a pedestal, you are more willing to overlook their flaws. If you suddenly got your dream job at Google, you'd be more willing to put up with bullshit and stand up for yourself out of fear that you would lose "the one" (job).

Spinning Plates


This applies mostly to entrepreneurs or consultants, and not necessarily traditional mega-corp employees. If you have several clients or several customers, you are diversifying your income stream. If one falls through, then it isn't such a big deal since it's only a small piece of your portfolio. You are able to make more rational decisions, and are less desperate in your attitude with your targets. The fact that you have other options makes you high-valued.

Social Proof


There are two ways this can manifest.

Firstly, in terms of other companies, if you are well known in your field, and if you have other companies considering you (whether when looking for a new job or during your job), your value immediately shoots up. Bosses (and girls) think that if others want you, there must be a reason. Note that there doesn't actually have to be a reason (you don't necessarily need intrinsic value). Simply the fact that others appear to want you is sufficient to increase your value. You can leverage this to ask for a sign-on bonus, a higher salary, a promotion, or use it in conjunction with dread game to be treated better.

Secondly, during events such as holiday parties, cocktail hours, board meetings, and investor meetings, if your reputation precedes you, or your bosses see you amicably chatting with others at these events, you immediately have social proof. If they didn't realize your value before, the fact that you can handle situations well and the fact that others like you will make them feel a sense of pride for being with you, a small amount of fear that you can leave and make it on your own if you want, and a desire to attach themselves to you. These are the exact same emotions that girls feel when they realize you have social proof.

Conclusions


These dynamics are true in human relationships, and are not limited to sexual relationships. They mostly manifest in relationships in which there is a hierarchy or dominance structure (such as employer-employee relationships). They all essentially boil down to who needs whom more, how much value a party is perceived to have, how can one party be used for the benefit of another, and who is dominant in a given situation.

Whether you are the employer or the employee, be aware of these tactics being used against you, and be aware of how you can use these tactics to further your own career.

The knowledge is there for you; your morality manifests in how you choose to use such knowledge.


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Reddit Discussion Link1, Link2

Saturday, March 1, 2014

Impermanence

You will die. Everybody you love will die. People will change, grow old, and leave you. Girls you are dating will marry other men. The world won't care about you in 50 years.

These are difficult-to-swallow truths. Our minds protect us from negative thoughts and emotions. People know these things intellectually, but fear embracing them emotionally.

However, once you fully realize this, it yields an immense power over yourself and your interpretation of the world. Dare I say, it will make you happier.

"First you've gotta know - not fear, know - that someday you're gonna die."
-Tyler Durden, Fight Club

Think about high school. At the time, the social structure of high school seemed immensely important. If you were like most people, it essentially defined your social life at the time. Fast forward 10, 20 years to a reunion. Does it matter anymore? No, of course not.

But that's not just high school. Whatever is going on in your life, and your job, at the current moment seems like the most important thing in the world. It's not. If you left work for a week, there's a very good chance the company would carry on just fine without you for that week.

Others' impressions of you will likely not matter at all in 10 years.

You go to a bar. Who cares if the girl rejects you? It doesn't matter. In 20 years she will not look as good, and she might will have no value to you and very little impact on your life.

If your friends are mad at you for something petty, it does not matter. People will come and go in your life, people will grow old, and die.

I'm not purposefully trying to be morbid, but rather simply reiterate the point that the things you think "matter" right now, don't. Use that frame to free your mind. Embrace your own selfish desires. Don't care so much what others think unless you need to work on improving your reputation for your own goals.

Once you internalize the fact that the most important things in your life are impermanent, you'll start to be much happier. You'll complain less, you'll let things roll off your shoulder that used to bother you, you'll grow more as a person, and you'll free your mind.

Suggested Readings

  • Natural Red Game - Do It For Your Own Mind: "Reflect on the fact that everyone you care about will die, and the deaths will pile up more and more as you get older. You must prepare for this psychologically in advance in order to avoid ego-based devastation."
  • Dukkha: "The anxiety or stress of trying to hold onto things that are constantly changing. A basic unsatisfactoriness pervading all forms of existence, because all forms of life are changing, impermanent"

Tuesday, February 18, 2014

Rising with a Leader

 

Identify the Leadership

In any social group, whether that's in a club or in business, there is a hierarchy. You must identify this hierarchy and see who the leader is. In addition, it's important to notice others in the group with leadership qualities. These include ambition, strategic pandering, and controlled aggressiveness, amongst others.

When I was younger, I saw huge leadership potential in my previous boss. He was young and a rising star. He wasn't yet established but he was a huge visionary with a firm grasp on the big picture of his technology. I immediately reached out to him and began working with him. Over the past years, his career has exploded. He is one of the youngest people in this country with his title and has built a significant reputation. I have been an integral part of that rise as well from being one of the few who started with him.

But over the past year or two, I have noticed that he hasn't "scaled" well. He is not as good at managing a larger group, as he was managing a smaller group. This is mostly due to his desire to micromanage and not delegate. It helped his rise but is not a scalable method of management.

Now, I have a new person who is a leader. He is extremely ambitious, already wealthy, smart, knows when to act angry and when to make you feel comfortable, and has good connections. I made secret flights out to meet with this new person, and a few months ago I quit my previous job and begin working for my new boss. Now, working for him, I am learning about the power structure of the new organization, and identifying where my loyalties should lie.

Even in large family gathers, for example, I have been able to identify which person is a natural leader. I have actually had several fruitful business relationships from these leaders.

Now there are two different types of leaders you should identify and win over, with different strategies for each.

 

The Established Leader

These include executives, mid-to-large-sized company founders, celebrities, athletes, and politicians. They are firmly established in their careers, and they pretty much know their own value. In terms of the pick-up game, these would be the 9's and 10's who have been gaining validation and attention from men all their lives.

For these types of leaders, you do NOT want to pander to them. Everybody around them has been kissing their ass for a long time. To differentiate yourself, you MUST treat them like an equal if not someone slightly below you.

Don't be afraid to question them. It will put you in the spotlight as someone who believes he is worth questioning a natural leader. They will respect you. Don't blindly tell them they are wrong if they aren't, but feel free to disagree or enter into a debate or be competitive. You essentially want to establish yourself as an equal who isn't afraid.

This will put you on their radar. Afterwards, you then want to firmly solidify your value by what you actually do say. It's all smoke and mirrors unless you actually can debate with them, show them some new technology, or demonstrate your business acumen. You've given yourself some respect already by being on their radar (which is rare) and so you don't have to be brilliant with whatever value you demonstrate. It simply has to be above average (although the more value you have, the better).

Once you have their attention and your value has been demonstrated, you will be invited into their inner circle. Stay with them until you detect they are on the downfall, or until you have identified a higher value person with whom to rise.

 

The Rising Star

The Established Leader will be difficult to win over. They are used to others trying to win them over since their value has been already established in their minds.

A more efficient use of your time is to identify a Rising Star. These are people who have demonstrated leadership qualities (see above), but have not yet realized or implemented such leadership. Think Steve Jobs in the 1970's.

In terms of pickup, these are the 5's who are only 5's because they are overweight, and are currently working out in the gym six days a week. Or the new 8's who used to be ugly and don't realize their own value yet.

For these people, you don't want to treat them as equals or as people slightly below you because they are used to being put down by others. For these people, you want to help them realize their dreams. Play on their emotions and bring them up. Discuss their dreams as shared ventures. Make them realize that they can be huge in this world.

They know they have value but are frustrated that society hasn't recognized it yet. By playing them up, they will take you with them to the top. The only downside is that one day they will realize they don't need you anymore. When that happens, you can either treat them like an Established Leader (which won't be congruent with your existing relationship or mannerisms) or you'd better have identified a new leader by the time the Rising Star has risen.

This is a more risky strategy, as maybe 1 in 10 rising stars will actually rise. That's why you must diversify. For an Established Leader you don't have the time nor luxury to diversify as they will require all of your attention, and are prone to jealousy of other Established Leaders. However, with the Rising Star, you should have identified a few of these and target them all in parallel.

Think of a venture capitalist firm or a hedge fund. Do they use their money to simply invest in the safe, blue-chip stocks (the "Established Leaders" in stocks)? They use some, but most of their money is spent in maybe 10-20 new "Rising Star" stocks with the hope that one of them will hit it big.

 

Conclusion

Whichever strategy you use, be careful to not make others jealous, to not let on too much that you are using them, and be able to identify when they are falling or when a higher leader is identified.

This applies mostly to business, but also with women. The more a girl is high value and knows it, the more you want to treat them as an "Established Leader" and be unique by bringing them down a notch. The lower value a girl, the more you want to bring her up which will make you unique by not acting like those "assholes" who treat her like shit and get with her friends.

Oh, and if you ever meet a girl who is low value but thinks she's high value, do yourself a favor and stay away. Those girls have ugly personalities.

Suggested Readings:


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Saturday, February 15, 2014

Investment

Our resources essentially come down to time, money, and energy.

At each moment in our lives, we are either investing or withdrawing. Investment implies giving up something now for the expectation of something more in the future.

Every time we are working on our hygiene, practicing a sport, learning about psychology, we are investing. When we decorate our homes a certain way, we are investing our time in order to portray a certain impression onto others. When we spend time and money on particular clothing, we are investing so that others will view us a certain way. When we spend hours in the gym every week, we are investing so that girls will be turned on, so others will be less inclined to brawl with us, and so if we have an unhealthy binge night, it doesn't affect us as significantly.

But what are we investing for? Well, the other side of the coin is withdrawing. When we are spending our time watching fictional TV, we are withdrawing from some previous investment. We invested for 40 hours a week so we can afford to pay our bills, in order to withdraw from that investment by relaxing on the weekends. We sit around and bullshit and drink beer with our friends, because our previous investment in our jobs afforded us that luxury.

We can go further, though. When we bring a girl home, and the careful time we put into conveying certain impressions through our house, car, etc., results in her feeling a modicum of additional respect towards us, we are withdrawing from some of our previous investments.

At the end of the day, we all have goals and desires. These include sex, the desire for freedom, the love of travel, or purchasing a new watch. The more power you have, and the more you've properly invested, the more efficient you become and achieving your goals. You are giving up time, money, or energy now so that you can withdraw from these investments and achieve your goals much quicker than if you hadn't invested. We spend years and years garnering a good career so that when we want to spend $1,500 on a plane ticket to Thailand, it doesn't take too much effort.

For every moment in your day, ask yourself if you are investing or withdrawing, and proceed appropriately.

Friday, January 31, 2014

Attachment

This post is about attachment. Attachment to outcomes, attachment to emotions, attachment to world views, attachment to relationships and even friendships.

It was inspired by a discussion I had on /r/purplepilldebate, in which my views were classified as a "dismissive avoidant" attachment style. Wikipedia describes it as such:

"People with a dismissive style of avoidant attachment tend to agree with these statements: "I am comfortable without close emotional relationships.", "It is very important to me to feel independent and self-sufficient", and "I prefer not to depend on others or have others depend on me." People with this attachment style desire a high level of independence. The desire for independence often appears as an attempt to avoid attachment altogether. They view themselves as self-sufficient and invulnerable to feelings associated with being closely attached to others. They often deny needing close relationships. Some may even view close relationships as relatively unimportant. Not surprisingly, they seek less intimacy with relationship partners, whom they often view less positively than they view themselves. Investigators commonly note the defensive character of this attachment style. People with a dismissive–avoidant attachment style tend to suppress and hide their feelings, and they tend to deal with rejection by distancing themselves from the sources of rejection (i.e., their relationship partners)."

I would say the description in the first part is not far from the truth. However, I do not believe I am defensive in my attachment style. In regards to whether I "suppress or hide my feelings", I use my feelings to achieve my goals. I do not wear my emotions on my sleeve, and I think rationally before acting on any emotion.

I actually make a distinct effort to not become attached. Buddhists theorize that attachment is the root of all suffering. People become attached to the ideas they have about the world, to their relationships, and even to their own way of thinking. Anybody or anything who interrupts that idea is an enemy and must be vehemently defended against.

I make an effort to only include those people in my life whom I respect and who bring me up and help me achieve my goals. That includes friendships (one of my goals is to have healthy relationships with my friends), business partners, girls whom I date or fuck, and family.

But I am also very quick to dismiss somebody when they no longer fulfill a positive role in my life. It's easier said than done, especially with family, but boundaries are important.

If somebody is no longer being a good friend to me, I will let them know, and see if they want to make an effort to change. It has made me much happier, and has the benefit of filtering out negativity in my life. As a result, I have a good, core group of friends (male and female) who I have "vetted". I have no problem forgiving somebody nor letting things slide, if they are still a net positive force in my life.

In regards to picking up girls, I used to be extremely attached to the outcome of a situation. I didn't realize how much my self esteem was dependent on the validation of a girl. It is correlated to a scarcity mentality. Now, I have an abundance mentality in that I believe I can find another girl easily. This helps me be way less attached to the outcome of a situation. 

Overall, my attachment style lately has served me well, and has made me very happy and successful. Some have said that I am missing out on deeper relationships since I am too quick to dismiss people, but I would point to the very close friendships I have maintained over decades (again, both male and female), with people who have never given me a reason to dismiss them. I am perfectly happy keeping my filter in place.

I may have a dismissive-avoidance attachment style, but I am owning up to it and keeping it. Life is short, and your most valuable asset, time, should not be wasted on anything which isn't helping you achieve your goals.

Interesting readings: