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Wednesday, March 12, 2014

Girls and Bosses

Since internalizing The Red Pill, I've started to notice similar interaction dynamics in other situations in my life. One of those is in relationships with bosses. The similarities will not necessarily be spot on, and will be different depending on the boss's personality as well as gender. But most of these will hold true to some degree. The game is always being played even outside of sexual relationships, and you'd be a fool to not consider them.

Shame Tactics


Quotes such as "I expected better from you" and the like, are shame tactics designed to put you on the defensive, make you feel the need to work harder or change a behavior, and an interesting management strategy. The goal is to make you feel ashamed of a certain behavior which isn't conducive to the boss, and to cloud your rationality with your own emotions. This is definitely not constructive criticism, but rather a form of manipulation playing on your deep-seated emotions. It is also quite an effective motivation technique.

Some examples of shame tactics include:
  • "I thought you forgot about me"
  • "I expected better from you"
  • "Is this the best you can do?"
  • "Where have you been lately?"
  • "Do you ever do actual work" (said during a lunch break or vacation)

I want to state that each and every one of these has been said to me personally. Don't hamster them as simply inquiring about what you're doing. They may be inquisitive but they also contain a hint of an accusatory tone.

Hypergamy


Okay, yes, that word technically means marrying up socioeconomically. But in a similar vein, your boss will "trade up" with his coworkers if the opportunity presents itself, given that (s)he has not invested enough time in you. He is also keeping his eyes out for someone of higher value.

When girls implement hypergamy, they consider the past time spent with you (even though it's a sunk cost she doesn't want to necessarily give up what she's put into you), the amount of effort required to gain the higher-valued target, and the (emotional or financial) loss of giving you up.

When bosses implement traits similar to hypergamy, they consider the past time spent with you (the time training you and the financial investment in you), the amount of effort required to gain the higher-valued target (the amount of salary required to get the new employee and the time required to train), and the (financial) loss of giving you up.

Both have some loyalty to you, but only insofar as you are producing value for them (conditional loyalty). They don't value you in-and-of-yourself; nor will they stay with you out of altruism or pity. And why should they? I actually have no problem with conditional love or conditional loyalty. It keeps you vigilant and leaves no room for complacency. If you start to be valued for "just being you", then why change, improve, or strive for more? The fact that you know you are always a minute away from being dismissed will be difficult and frustrating, but it will require greatness from yourself.

If you are the boss, your employees will also implement hypergamy. They will also be looking for a "higher value" company or another boss with whom to rise.

Dread Game


This is one that an employee will play on a boss.

If a girl starts treating you poorly, an explicit or implicit threat of you leaving will cause her to reevaluate her actions and feel like she needs you more. If a boss is not treating you well, an offer from another company will instill fear that he will lose you and will cause him to reevaluate his actions towards you.

The more investments you make in yourself, in terms of fitness, style, and charisma, the easier dread game will be with a girl and the more implicit, rather than explicit, it manifests. The more investments you make in yourself in terms of job skills, critical thinking, and charisma, the easier dread game will be with a boss and the more implicit, rather than explicit, it manifests.

Many low self esteem guys don't realize their own value, and will supplicate to whatever their partner dictates. They have a permeating fear which keeps them in check. In the workplace, many low self esteem employees truly don't know their own value either. They don't realize how useful their skills are, they don't truly believe they could get another job. And bosses use this and exploit this.

Now with any dread game, if the target believes that you won't actually follow through, it can backfire. If you threaten to leave and they call you out on your threat, by not leaving you are telling the other party that you don't actually have any other options, and any future attempts at dread game will be ineffective, even if you would have followed through in the future. Don't be "the boy who cried dread".

Oneitis


This relates back to dread game. By becoming irrationally attached to one person, you are clouding your own judgement. If you don't believe there is anything better for you out there, that person has you by the balls. With girls, you are more willing to tolerate bullshit that normally you may let slide. The hotter (or generally the more high-valued) the girl, the easier it is to fall into this trap. (Aside: Oneitis is different from loyalty and dedication in a LTR).

With a boss, if you put that person on a pedestal, you are more willing to overlook their flaws. If you suddenly got your dream job at Google, you'd be more willing to put up with bullshit and stand up for yourself out of fear that you would lose "the one" (job).

Spinning Plates


This applies mostly to entrepreneurs or consultants, and not necessarily traditional mega-corp employees. If you have several clients or several customers, you are diversifying your income stream. If one falls through, then it isn't such a big deal since it's only a small piece of your portfolio. You are able to make more rational decisions, and are less desperate in your attitude with your targets. The fact that you have other options makes you high-valued.

Social Proof


There are two ways this can manifest.

Firstly, in terms of other companies, if you are well known in your field, and if you have other companies considering you (whether when looking for a new job or during your job), your value immediately shoots up. Bosses (and girls) think that if others want you, there must be a reason. Note that there doesn't actually have to be a reason (you don't necessarily need intrinsic value). Simply the fact that others appear to want you is sufficient to increase your value. You can leverage this to ask for a sign-on bonus, a higher salary, a promotion, or use it in conjunction with dread game to be treated better.

Secondly, during events such as holiday parties, cocktail hours, board meetings, and investor meetings, if your reputation precedes you, or your bosses see you amicably chatting with others at these events, you immediately have social proof. If they didn't realize your value before, the fact that you can handle situations well and the fact that others like you will make them feel a sense of pride for being with you, a small amount of fear that you can leave and make it on your own if you want, and a desire to attach themselves to you. These are the exact same emotions that girls feel when they realize you have social proof.

Conclusions


These dynamics are true in human relationships, and are not limited to sexual relationships. They mostly manifest in relationships in which there is a hierarchy or dominance structure (such as employer-employee relationships). They all essentially boil down to who needs whom more, how much value a party is perceived to have, how can one party be used for the benefit of another, and who is dominant in a given situation.

Whether you are the employer or the employee, be aware of these tactics being used against you, and be aware of how you can use these tactics to further your own career.

The knowledge is there for you; your morality manifests in how you choose to use such knowledge.


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