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Saturday, October 11, 2014

The Sixth Stage


This actually became a bit of a series on grief (all posts here) without me realizing it.

It starts with Johnnythe boy who had all the wrong expectations of reality and lived his life perpetually disappointed.

Johnny was in the denial and depression stage of grief. (Side note: remember, these stages don't occur in order. They simply all occur.)

It then discusses the concept of being Antifragilein a red pill context, in which you use all the shit life throws at you with regards to women, to become stronger.

The Antifragile man was in the anger stage.

It moves on to End Game, in which a man tries to see how a blue pill outcome could possibly yield a happy life.

The man contemplating the blue pill End Game (even though he chose to reject it) was in the bargaining stage.

We then move on to Chinks in Armor, in which the man understands the reason life throws tests at him.

The man understanding the purpose of shit tests was in the acceptance stage.

This post is where it all comes back around and the man asks "what else"? He has moved beyond the acceptance stage, and entered into what I describe as the sixth stage: creativity, in which he takes back control of his life.


When we have to deal with a a tragedy, a death of either someone or something (e.g. our worldview), we go through a grieving process.

This includes: 1. Denial, 2. Anger, 3. Bargaining, 4. Depression, 5. Acceptance.

This was cleverly applied to The Red Pill, which is really just a death of our expectations of women, so it flowed logically.

This post is about a sixth stage of grieving which I call creativity.

A lot of frustration regarding our lives, a lot of our anger, bitterness, depression, pains, jealousy, etc., stems from our expectations of the world. Allow us to demonstrate given an example of a man and a woman below.

When we were growing up through our childhood and adolescent years, we started to get expectations from Disney movies, media, etc., about what we were supposed to get as we go through life.

A few possible examples in regards to the red pill:


  • We were supposed to find a nice sweet girl and have the happy family life. But when we got to college, we saw some older guys sleeping with girls and having crazy fun doing it, and our expectations of our lives changed. We wanted to be those guys. We saw a subconscious vision of our lives in which we are the player for 5 years, bedding many women, and then finding a hot trophy wife, like James Bond who eventually becomes either becomes the strong male figure in a family, or lives a life of luxury. Whenever things don't fit into this vision, we get angry.
  • When a girlfriend cheats on us, we get so extremely angry and jealous that our expectations were out of line with reality. "This wasn't supposed to happen!" we say deep inside. "This wasn't part of the plan!"
  • When we want to pick up women and are failing, we say to ourselves "This was supposed to work!" When men found pickup online, they got excited had a subconscious vision and expectation that learning pickup was going to make them gods with women. When that was shattered, they became angry again.
  • A girlfriend who you thought was the "perfect unicorn" from all your understanding of the red pill and female biology, cheats on you. This is completely incongruent with your expectations that you'd be the man you always wanted to be after lifting and working on your career. In this vision, you imagined that you'd find a sweet girl with no daddy issues, who was sheltered from feminism. She cheated and shattered that vision. "This wasn't part of the plan! I filtered so much! I learned so much! I vetted you with all the correct questions. I maintained frame."


  • They were supposed to find a nice husband in college, maybe her first true love, and settle down. But when she is cheated on, or hurt by a guy, her entire vision of a fairytale is shattered. She doesn't know how to deal with that vision, and has nothing else to replace it, so she starts just giving in to all her natural instincts, and sleeps around.
  • In the previous scenario, she has a new vision that sleeping around was going to make her feel fulfilled again, and then she could pick herself up and find a decent guy. Then that vision was shattered. She didn't feel fulfilled and felt emptier inside. This turns into a spiral resulting in bitter spinsterhood.
  • Sex (which was supposed to represent love and commitment) starts to feel fun and exciting. Her vision when she was growing up didn't include these biological urges and instincts. Her initial vision of a nice boyfriend didn't assume that she'd enjoy sex as much and have a desire to sleep with other men. "This wasn't supposed to happen!" she says. She becomes empty. This causes depression, anger, and a general feeling of being "lost" or "floating" to use the words of modern American girls.


How do we solve this problem? How do we overcome our jealousy, our anger, our depression. It's truly about acceptance. Not that people "are" a certain way, but rather acceptance that our expectations for our lives are not in line with reality.

How do you avoid bitter acceptance though? How do you not simply become angry that your expectations don't line up?

Because the five stages of grief only end with you accepting the world as it is. Pretty bleak, eh? Fine, things suck. Or things are not as you expected. Or women act differently than you thought. So be it.


The sixth step in grief after acceptance is creativity.

You now have to come up with alternative visions for your next 10 years, which are congruent with your vision of the previous 25 years (just an example, not my actual age), and which also are a happy fulfilling vision.

So allow us to try an experiment. Reread the fourth vision of men above, regarding being frustrated that after reading about the red pill, your "perfect unicorn" cheated on you.

Now instead of simply carrying around an anger deep within you and reacting to every future event out of anger and jealousy, you need a new vision. Let's try some examples on for size, and see which one resonates best with you.

  • In one alternative reality, she cheated on you, and it made you stronger, tougher, a better alpha. You then live a James Bond esque life for the next 10 years, and lived happily ever after sailing away on your yacht. Maybe this girl came back in some sort of revenge fantasy. Maybe not.
  • In another alternative reality, you end up trying on the idea of an open relationship for size. You still keep her in your life, still connect with her, and both sleep around. You eventually end up in a happy open marriage where you both get plenty of sex.
  • In another alternative reality, you chalk her up as a loss, continue your search for other girls who you think would fit the bill, and end up getting married with a strong prenup and live happily every after, with your submissive wife.


The point of all this is that things can work out. Things don't necessarily have to, and there are certainly curveballs life can throw at your shattering each vision. But if you put in the work, you can achieve other visions.

Given what visions you consider feasible, and the amount to which you desire each vision (and the odds of it occuring), you can make different choices going forward.

For example, most of the better alternative visions in the example above contain the concept of getting fitter and stronger. So you know you're going to lift right now. That decision is easy. Other visions cause you to reevaluate how you treat sex. Other visions cause you to stick things out with this girl, bonding, and make a different type of sexual relationship work.

The point is not which of these visions are "best" or "correct". We can debate the merits and disadvantages of each vision ad infinitum. The point is you must recognize that there are alternative ways your life could end up happy which are in line with reality. And pick a vision, and strive towards that. Constantly reevaluate your possible visions every few months, and tweak your behavior appropriately.

See the world for how it truly is.  Meditate. Reflect back upon your life. Read the red pill. Read philosphy. Read about the BDSM community.

This mentality is freeing. This is truly the red pill: seeing the world as it is. But it's more. It's about seeing things as they are, but taking the next step and making your life and world as you like, as best as you can.

All that's within your control is to make daily decisions striving towards your visions, and constantly tweak the visions and your decisions.

No matter how angry or jealous or depressed or bitter you feel now, you can let it all go and come up with creative ways you can achieve all your goals. Or find new goals.

Find your mission, gentlemen.

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Thursday, October 9, 2014

Chinks in Armor

In a woman's mind, nothing is sexier than a man on a mission. A man who knows what he wants in life and takes it. Such a man who also has a desire to nurture a protect a woman is the perfect catch for a long term relationship.

They would love to be a part of such a man's vision.

Woman have all sorts of different pattern recognition systems going throughout their brain at any given time. They have seen men who are physically strong, and they correlate external strength with a drive and inner strength. They see men who are drive certain cars, or wear certain clothes, and their vision of a man with inner strength is correlated with these visions. That's why women tend to be attracted to such outwardly displays of inner strength, simple correlation.

So they shit test you. They need to know if you are truly resilient, or if it's all just an act. If you actually have inner strength or are faking. When they break up with you, or become overly emotional, how you act in such a moment defines whether or not they see you as a real man who can handle them.

They want to poke at your armor, to see if there are any chinks.

Forget about how they rationalize their emotions, what they think about their self esteem, why they say they do things. (Man up and realize that you do it too.) These are all post-facto rationalizations of their instincts manifesting. In every situation that you deal with in a relationship, try to figure out what instinct underlies their actions and words. Cut away all the bullshit and figure out what's really going on, in terms of evolution.

From your perspective as a man, every time life throws some shit at you, how you handle it helps redefine your boundaries and decisions. It helps reveal the sculpture underneath these external façades. Then, when a similar situation comes up again, you know how you'll handle it. It becomes part of your comfort zone. Every time we leave our comfort zone, and encounter a new random shit test life throws at us, we expand the circle of what is within our comfort zone. We are more confident how we'll deal with future occurrences. We are conquering more of the randomness of the universe as we grow. We are learning which actions yield better results as we grow and can take a longer timeline perspective of our lives.

As I discussed in my post about antifragility, embrace these tests. Whether from women or just life in general. They are useful. They are chisels used to create the sculpture of your life. They are there to peel away the layers and show you the real man underneath.

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All posts from my Grief miniseries here.

Wednesday, October 8, 2014

End Game

Let us use this time to reflect upon the extreme alpha or beta models, and really worldviews.

How do each of these personalities view the end game of life? What would each type of man think on his deathbed.

This is an extremely important question each man must answer, because knowing how you want to end up, will dictate every little action in your life.

And not knowing how you want to act in a given situation, with no strong personal philosophy, will result in an extreme amount of anxiety.

The Blue Pill End Game

This is the narrative of a blue pill life. Somewhere in his or her mid 20's, a man and a woman fall in love. They go through a series of ups and downs. One may make a mistake, but all is forgiven because they love each other. Love trumps all. When a girl accidentally kissed her ex one night, she just needed some guidance. Fights, loving times, beautiful times, ending with a marriage, where everything ends up perfectly. On their death beds, the man and the woman end up holding hands, reflecting upon all of the good times. They feel good that they touched and helped so many people in so many ways. And that their love was stronger than all, lasting through decades of life. They would depart this world peacefully, ready for whatever was next.

That's the ideal turnout of a 100% blue pill mentality.

The Red Pill End Game

This is the narrative of a red pill life. A boy grows into a man. That man, through the many trials life thows at him, develops into a charismatic, powerful, man the envy of all. He becomes wealthy on his own, and lives life to an extreme, buying fancy cars, At some point in his life, he wanted a girlfriend so he was able to pull a really good looking, cool, sweet southern chick. They had a relationship for a while, but when she made a mistake and cheated on him, the man was sad for a moment, but then thought practically, and said sorry but I could never trust you again. He'd be upset for a moment, kind of a "too bad, that could have really worked. oh well", but he'd bounce back from his friends, and go out and find a new girls, and it wasn't that hard. He eventually built an empire with his entrepreneurial skills, and was an important game changer in the history of humanity. On his deathbed, the man looks back upon his life fondly. He conquered great things in this world. He experienced some love, some fun, heartbreak, power, influence, and he could die happy, knowing that he left humanity in a better state than when he left it.

That's the ideal turnout of a 100% red pill mentality.

Now these are extreme examples, but they could be your life if you so choose. But I implore you to meditate upon through which lens you want to view your life. This way, whenever life throws you some shit, or you have a decision in front of you, you don't hesitate. You know who you are. You know how you'd want to look back upon this moment, from your deathbed.

This is a mental task that I think every man should meditate upon. If you want to live your life in blue pill mode, and you want to die happy, knowing that you always held out faith in love, then more power to you, just know the alternatives.

Go figure yourself out, gentlemen.

Reddit Post
All posts from my Grief miniseries here.

Tuesday, October 7, 2014

The Antifragile Red Pill

As I go through the book Antifragile by Nicholas Taleb, I see a tremendous amount of overlap with the red pill.

Antifragility is the concept that disorder and stressors can make some things (fine china) break, but can make some things (muscles) stronger. The idea is whether or not a given entity will improve or degrade when life throws random events at it.

This is inextricably linked with relationships, where you are trying to navigate a dynamic system in which the other party has either agency, or at least unpredictable behavior, depending on your philosophical views.

Every time I've broken up with a girl, it has forced me to confront issues deep within myself, be it jealousy, fear of rejection, dying alone, etc. Each time I've broken up with someone, these issues have been brought to the surface and could not stay hidden. These issues had no choice but to be faced. As such, I have been antifragile when it comes to relationships. They don't bring me down. Rather, they make me stronger.

The real blue pill mentality is that we can predict the future. It's the greatest illusion our minds play upon ourselves. Our minds categorize our memories, assign a certain "order" to the world to protect us from the randomness, and make us believe that we can predict the future.

It's this thinking which frustrates outcome-dependent (i.e. weak) men when the outcomes don't match up to their expectations. It's the classic average frustrated chump subconsciously believing that he can predict and control the future by buying a girl roses.

The red pill, on the other hand, constantly espouses the idea of improving yourself to increase your own sexual market value. Implicitly within this idealogy is the fundamental truth that we don't know what's going to happen in the future. We don't know if we'll meet a girl when we happen to be bulking or cutting. We don't know if the trip to the grocery, when you haven't cut your nails in four weeks and look like a slob, will be the moment you want to interact with the cute cashier.

By making yourself as highly valuable as possible at all times, you are essentially aiming to increase your antifragility. You don't know what life is going to throw at you. You don't know if another man with broader shoulders is going to meet your wife when you're not there. But what you do know, and what is in your control, is whether you are at your peak. You'll know deep down whether you are better able to deal with these random occurrences which would knock a weaker, fragile, man down.

The abundance mentality will shine through when a girl treats you poorly, yet you bounce back harder. You become stronger for it, which usually results in an implicit yet unintentional dread game at work.

Being an antifragile red pill man is all about being outcome independent, and being able to use the randomness of life to improve yourself at every turn. To focus completely on using the world to grow. To not care if it works out with a given girl, but to care if you were the best you could be, self help cliché aside.

To be able to not care if you get dumped. In fact, to embrace small challenges and difficulties in your life, and use them as an excuse to be a stronger man. To be able to turn around and use people making fun of your shoes to learn a little bit about men's shoe brands, which in turn spurs you to buy some Allen Edmonds and then start to delving into the world of male fashion. You became stronger from an experience which would have made a weaker man feel depressed and sorry for himself.

When you find something about your girlfriend's past that shocks and disgusts you, you can use it to face some deep-seated jealousy from your childhood. Or you use it to work out twice as hard at the gym. Years later, when the event is just a blip in your memory, you still have your muscles. You still have your inner peace knowing you've dealt with a primordial emotional issue.

Antifragile is what we should all strive to be. An antifragile red pill man does not fear the random shit tests that life throws at him. He embraces it and uses every "bad" circumstance to learn about himself and improve. By the end of it, his fear of the unknown is gone, replaced by an excitement for how he can further spur on his self development.

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All posts from my Grief miniseries here.