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Saturday, October 11, 2014

The Sixth Stage


This actually became a bit of a series on grief (all posts here) without me realizing it.

It starts with Johnnythe boy who had all the wrong expectations of reality and lived his life perpetually disappointed.

Johnny was in the denial and depression stage of grief. (Side note: remember, these stages don't occur in order. They simply all occur.)

It then discusses the concept of being Antifragilein a red pill context, in which you use all the shit life throws at you with regards to women, to become stronger.

The Antifragile man was in the anger stage.

It moves on to End Game, in which a man tries to see how a blue pill outcome could possibly yield a happy life.

The man contemplating the blue pill End Game (even though he chose to reject it) was in the bargaining stage.

We then move on to Chinks in Armor, in which the man understands the reason life throws tests at him.

The man understanding the purpose of shit tests was in the acceptance stage.

This post is where it all comes back around and the man asks "what else"? He has moved beyond the acceptance stage, and entered into what I describe as the sixth stage: creativity, in which he takes back control of his life.


When we have to deal with a a tragedy, a death of either someone or something (e.g. our worldview), we go through a grieving process.

This includes: 1. Denial, 2. Anger, 3. Bargaining, 4. Depression, 5. Acceptance.

This was cleverly applied to The Red Pill, which is really just a death of our expectations of women, so it flowed logically.

This post is about a sixth stage of grieving which I call creativity.

A lot of frustration regarding our lives, a lot of our anger, bitterness, depression, pains, jealousy, etc., stems from our expectations of the world. Allow us to demonstrate given an example of a man and a woman below.

When we were growing up through our childhood and adolescent years, we started to get expectations from Disney movies, media, etc., about what we were supposed to get as we go through life.

A few possible examples in regards to the red pill:


  • We were supposed to find a nice sweet girl and have the happy family life. But when we got to college, we saw some older guys sleeping with girls and having crazy fun doing it, and our expectations of our lives changed. We wanted to be those guys. We saw a subconscious vision of our lives in which we are the player for 5 years, bedding many women, and then finding a hot trophy wife, like James Bond who eventually becomes either becomes the strong male figure in a family, or lives a life of luxury. Whenever things don't fit into this vision, we get angry.
  • When a girlfriend cheats on us, we get so extremely angry and jealous that our expectations were out of line with reality. "This wasn't supposed to happen!" we say deep inside. "This wasn't part of the plan!"
  • When we want to pick up women and are failing, we say to ourselves "This was supposed to work!" When men found pickup online, they got excited had a subconscious vision and expectation that learning pickup was going to make them gods with women. When that was shattered, they became angry again.
  • A girlfriend who you thought was the "perfect unicorn" from all your understanding of the red pill and female biology, cheats on you. This is completely incongruent with your expectations that you'd be the man you always wanted to be after lifting and working on your career. In this vision, you imagined that you'd find a sweet girl with no daddy issues, who was sheltered from feminism. She cheated and shattered that vision. "This wasn't part of the plan! I filtered so much! I learned so much! I vetted you with all the correct questions. I maintained frame."


  • They were supposed to find a nice husband in college, maybe her first true love, and settle down. But when she is cheated on, or hurt by a guy, her entire vision of a fairytale is shattered. She doesn't know how to deal with that vision, and has nothing else to replace it, so she starts just giving in to all her natural instincts, and sleeps around.
  • In the previous scenario, she has a new vision that sleeping around was going to make her feel fulfilled again, and then she could pick herself up and find a decent guy. Then that vision was shattered. She didn't feel fulfilled and felt emptier inside. This turns into a spiral resulting in bitter spinsterhood.
  • Sex (which was supposed to represent love and commitment) starts to feel fun and exciting. Her vision when she was growing up didn't include these biological urges and instincts. Her initial vision of a nice boyfriend didn't assume that she'd enjoy sex as much and have a desire to sleep with other men. "This wasn't supposed to happen!" she says. She becomes empty. This causes depression, anger, and a general feeling of being "lost" or "floating" to use the words of modern American girls.


How do we solve this problem? How do we overcome our jealousy, our anger, our depression. It's truly about acceptance. Not that people "are" a certain way, but rather acceptance that our expectations for our lives are not in line with reality.

How do you avoid bitter acceptance though? How do you not simply become angry that your expectations don't line up?

Because the five stages of grief only end with you accepting the world as it is. Pretty bleak, eh? Fine, things suck. Or things are not as you expected. Or women act differently than you thought. So be it.


The sixth step in grief after acceptance is creativity.

You now have to come up with alternative visions for your next 10 years, which are congruent with your vision of the previous 25 years (just an example, not my actual age), and which also are a happy fulfilling vision.

So allow us to try an experiment. Reread the fourth vision of men above, regarding being frustrated that after reading about the red pill, your "perfect unicorn" cheated on you.

Now instead of simply carrying around an anger deep within you and reacting to every future event out of anger and jealousy, you need a new vision. Let's try some examples on for size, and see which one resonates best with you.

  • In one alternative reality, she cheated on you, and it made you stronger, tougher, a better alpha. You then live a James Bond esque life for the next 10 years, and lived happily ever after sailing away on your yacht. Maybe this girl came back in some sort of revenge fantasy. Maybe not.
  • In another alternative reality, you end up trying on the idea of an open relationship for size. You still keep her in your life, still connect with her, and both sleep around. You eventually end up in a happy open marriage where you both get plenty of sex.
  • In another alternative reality, you chalk her up as a loss, continue your search for other girls who you think would fit the bill, and end up getting married with a strong prenup and live happily every after, with your submissive wife.


The point of all this is that things can work out. Things don't necessarily have to, and there are certainly curveballs life can throw at your shattering each vision. But if you put in the work, you can achieve other visions.

Given what visions you consider feasible, and the amount to which you desire each vision (and the odds of it occuring), you can make different choices going forward.

For example, most of the better alternative visions in the example above contain the concept of getting fitter and stronger. So you know you're going to lift right now. That decision is easy. Other visions cause you to reevaluate how you treat sex. Other visions cause you to stick things out with this girl, bonding, and make a different type of sexual relationship work.

The point is not which of these visions are "best" or "correct". We can debate the merits and disadvantages of each vision ad infinitum. The point is you must recognize that there are alternative ways your life could end up happy which are in line with reality. And pick a vision, and strive towards that. Constantly reevaluate your possible visions every few months, and tweak your behavior appropriately.

See the world for how it truly is.  Meditate. Reflect back upon your life. Read the red pill. Read philosphy. Read about the BDSM community.

This mentality is freeing. This is truly the red pill: seeing the world as it is. But it's more. It's about seeing things as they are, but taking the next step and making your life and world as you like, as best as you can.

All that's within your control is to make daily decisions striving towards your visions, and constantly tweak the visions and your decisions.

No matter how angry or jealous or depressed or bitter you feel now, you can let it all go and come up with creative ways you can achieve all your goals. Or find new goals.

Find your mission, gentlemen.

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